When Walking In Pain

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by 竜次 ryuuji via Flickr"][/caption]

This week we are continuing to talk about being Christ-centric.

Making Christ our center.

Keeping Him in the center of each day.

In the center of a life.


**************

I've been thinking about pain, lately...

I cut my knee the other day. It bled a lot and it hurt.

I had a headache earlier this week and it made my neck stiff.

I don't like pain. I don't like to hurt. I try to shun it at all costs, if I can't do that,  I learn to tolerate it.  Sometimes pain doesn't show itself in a bloody knee, or a sore neck. Sometimes it shows itself, in ways that hurt to much to talk about.

Some days it is easier to deny the pain.

For awhile.

But then I'm forced to deal with it. Not always well. I struggle.

I am alone in my thoughts.

Isn't that the way of the human heart?

The thoughts rush through me, much like a tsunami. I wonder if this is what it feels like to drown?

...A friend who is watching the son she once knew, slip away to a confusing medical diagnosis--and doctors who don't hear her.

...Another friend who has to put his dear wife in a nursing home because her care has become to much for him

...A friend whose husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, at 46

...A marriage dissolves

...A family that sits in an emergency room

...An unplanned pregancy

...Broken family bonds

...Poor decisions

...Hours cut at the job, when one is barely making ends meet

...A family member whose body is worn down from cancer treatments

...A widow, whose husband was taken from her by a man with a gun

And the list goes on.

Pain. Stinging pain.

How do I live a Christ centered life...how do I show Christ to others, when there is so much pain?

When the heart is burdened and the tears build

When an answer isn't given

When nothing seems to make sense

When facing the dashing of dreams

or the certainty of death...

I want Christ in the center.

I want Him not just near me. I want to be full of Him.

I want to be reminded that I do not walk alone.

I need to remember that nothing can separate me from Him. Nothing.

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

AMEN

Related articles

• The Big Questions in Life. (jesusfreak783.wordpress.com)


• What do you do in the midst of deep darkness? (crt010304.wordpress.com)


• God Heals Hurts (guest post) (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Embrace the Cross (Re-Post) (inchristus.wordpress.com)


• For those who hurt. (practicingjane.wordpress.com)


• Being a Christian (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)


• 6-21-11) Why This Pain (late4work.wordpress.com)

When Walking In Pain

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by 竜次 ryuuji via Flickr"][/caption]

This week we are continuing to talk about being Christ-centric.

Making Christ our center.

Keeping Him in the center of each day.

In the center of a life.


**************

I've been thinking about pain, lately...

I cut my knee the other day. It bled a lot and it hurt.

I had a headache earlier this week and it made my neck stiff.

I don't like pain. I don't like to hurt. I try to shun it at all costs, if I can't do that,  I learn to tolerate it.  Sometimes pain doesn't show itself in a bloody knee, or a sore neck. Sometimes it shows itself, in ways that hurt to much to talk about.

Some days it is easier to deny the pain.

For awhile.

But then I'm forced to deal with it. Not always well. I struggle.

I am alone in my thoughts.

Isn't that the way of the human heart?

The thoughts rush through me, much like a tsunami. I wonder if this is what it feels like to drown?

...A friend who is watching the son she once knew, slip away to a confusing medical diagnosis--and doctors who don't hear her.

...Another friend who has to put his dear wife in a nursing home because her care has become to much for him

...A friend whose husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, at 46

...A marriage dissolves

...A family that sits in an emergency room

...An unplanned pregancy

...Broken family bonds

...Poor decisions

...Hours cut at the job, when one is barely making ends meet

...A family member whose body is worn down from cancer treatments

...A widow, whose husband was taken from her by a man with a gun

And the list goes on.

Pain. Stinging pain.

How do I live a Christ centered life...how do I show Christ to others, when there is so much pain?

When the heart is burdened and the tears build

When an answer isn't given

When nothing seems to make sense

When facing the dashing of dreams

or the certainty of death...

I want Christ in the center.

I want Him not just near me. I want to be full of Him.

I want to be reminded that I do not walk alone.

I need to remember that nothing can separate me from Him. Nothing.

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

AMEN

Related articles

• The Big Questions in Life. (jesusfreak783.wordpress.com)


• What do you do in the midst of deep darkness? (crt010304.wordpress.com)


• God Heals Hurts (guest post) (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Embrace the Cross (Re-Post) (inchristus.wordpress.com)


• For those who hurt. (practicingjane.wordpress.com)


• Being a Christian (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)


• 6-21-11) Why This Pain (late4work.wordpress.com)

Perfectionism Is Poison

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

The cake fell flat.

The cat puked.

Ants have migrated to the kitchen.

The flower bed is...well, a mess.

I didn't get enough rest last night.

I need a haircut.

The kids didn't finish their school work.

I didn't read my devotional today.

That thing that happened really annoyed me.

My nerves are frayed.

And I'm still waiting for my 21 year old body to return...any day now.

I hear the hiss in my ear.

I want the perfect life. I strive for the perfect life.

I fail at the perfect life. Big sigh.

I gripe at times. I hold onto resentment. I long for more.

I play out in my own mind what I think should happen. How life should be.

Perfectionism is the poisonous venom of a serpent.

I've been bit, and it stings.The wound is raw... and painful.

The realization hits me. Again. This life will never be perfect.

And yet, I still search.

What is wrong with me? I wish I could just let it go. Be happy with the way things are.

Wouldn't life be easier if I didn't care about pet fur, and folding laundry? If everyone would follow the schedule, and pick up after themselves? If I had a new vehicle and a snappy wardrobe? If I looked like I did when I was younger and had more energy?

Each day I do battle with perfectionism.

The fangs sink deeper into my flesh.

I need to break free from the bondage of perfectionism. It really is bondage, pure and simple.

The fear of not being perfect, is really the fear of not measuring up to (impossible) standards.

God did not give me the the spirit of fear. His desire is not for me to be a frustrated perfectionist.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."  2 Timothy 1:7  NIV

He loves me. Imperfections and all.

*********************

Keeping it real, in our jam about perfectionism. Won't you join us?

Related articles

• Breaking Perfectionism (andrewhitmire.wordpress.com)


• Taming Perfectionism (defmacro.org)


• Perfectionism and OCD (brighthub.com)


• Perfectionism Can Be Harmful to Your Health (fitsugar.com)


• Is Perfection even desirable? (psychologytoday.com)


• Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect. (edition.cnn.com)


• A Summer Cake: Pineapple Cake (organizedsahm.wordpress.com)


• Watermelon Cake (zurmat.com)


• Chocolate Cake with Coffee Frosting (and a Secret) (savorysaltysweet.com)

Giving Thanks In The Midst Of

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

I heard the rain and wind last night

Only semi-awake in the dark of the night

A fleeting thought of stormy weather

As I changed my sleeping position

I woke to the early morning news of more people hurt

more buildings demolished

more lives destroyed

more people gone...just gone

never to return

Those who have lost so much in the deadly winds

Why them? Why not me?

Is it right for me to give thanks on this Monday, when so many are hurting? Lost? Devastated?

I quietly sit at the table

and stare at my computer screen.

Images from the news seared into my thoughts

My heart aches.

*thankful that more people weren't hurt or injured

*for friends and neighbors who reach out their hands

*for those who come to help

*for the human spirit

*for not giving up

*for pressing on

*for trying one more time

*for surviving

*for God, who is still there

Some of us have not gone through the utter devastation of a tornado, but we have lost loved ones. Some of us have never huddled through the howling winds, but we have huddled in fear of losing everything from job loss. Some of us have never watched as our house was torn apart, but we understand fire, floods, or theft. We haven't stood in terror watching the storm approach, but we understand the terror of a deadly diagnosis.

Storms of life come in all shapes and sizes.

I am thankful that God loves us, that He cares for us through ALL of life's storms.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  Psalm 18:2 NIV

What are some things you are thankful for this Monday?

Related articles

• Peace in the Midst of the Storm (notsoperfectpw.wordpress.com)


• "Weathering the Storm" Part 1 (vickypuckett.com)


• Chris' Monday Morning Weather Briefing 5/23/11 (chrisallenchallenge.wordpress.com)


• The real storm (pastortimfowler.wordpress.com)


• Deadly tornado tears through the US Midwest (independent.co.uk)


• Deadly tornado tears into US city (bbc.co.uk)


• Hail, Strong Winds, & More Tornadoes (weatherwatch12.wordpress.com)


• In Midst Of The Rubble Light Your Light Shine (aprilhawk.wordpress.com)


• Struggle well.... (trishborgdorff.wordpress.com)

I Quit

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="105" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Today at Faith Barista we are discussing--- To quit or not to quit.  Share your thoughts or experience on quitting something or not quitting something.




I don't consider myself a quitter. It's not a word that describes who I am.

If I've started something, I will finish it. Or at least give it a very good try.

But....

I'm quitting.

Yes, you heard me.

*I'm quitting...the fear of not measuring up

*I'm quitting...the paralyzing grip of perfection

*I'm quitting...the thinking that I am in control

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7  NIV

I'll stop worrying about what others might think of me. The truth is, most people are too busy worrying about their own stuff to think about me. I don't mean that in a bad way. I have many people in this life, that love me dearly and care for me without regret. I just mean, they don't really care if I'm wearing yoga pants today instead of khaki's. Or if I fix the same meal, twice in one week, or  if I don't sweep up all the dog fur from under the dining room table where it gets trapped like tumbleweeds in the desert.

I'll stop worrying if my house isn't like a picture out of House Beautiful. Perfection does not mean, not messy. People live here... 24 hours a day. We work from home, and school at home, and love at home. All those things don't fit in my nice containers. (Even if those containers are the cutest things ever!) As the keeper of the home, the house is a reflection on me....may it reflect a family that lives with and loves each other.

I'll stop believing that all my plans in life will work out perfectly. Life is fragile, and I'm fooling myself if I ever thought for one second that I was the one in control.

My life is not my own. It is Christ who lives in me.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galations 2:20 NIV

And all I do is for that audience of One.

Related articles

• I Quit (melissabrotherton.com)


• Quitting with Class (employeehelpsource.wordpress.com)


• Don't Quit Trying! (Commentary and Guest Blog) (thewritelife2.wordpress.com)


• Never quit! (howtotrulylive.com)


• Q is for Quitting (lkramer14.wordpress.com)


• Facing the Giants (angelzero01.wordpress.com)

The Waiting Game

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by urbanlegend via Flickr"][/caption]

My husband and I co-facilitate a Grief Share group at our church. It is a group that helps those who have lost a loved one, to death. Since, we have both been in that situation, we can relate to those who come to the class. This past Wednesday we discussed waiting, and what that means. Many of the things that the counselors discussed can be applied to other life situations, not just death. Anyway, this week's discussion got me to thinking...

"Instead of focusing on what I'm waiting for, I should be focusing on what I am becoming as I wait"

Many times in my life I have found myself waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to drive. Waiting for graduation. Waiting to live on my own. Waiting for a job. Waiting to get married. Waiting to have a child. Waiting to move states.  Those are "big" waitings. Sometimes the waiting is not so big, but significant nonetheless. Waiting in the check-out line at the store. Waiting for a package in the mail. Waiting to hear back from a friend.

I do a lot of waiting in life. Now, that I think about it, I probably "wait" a lot more than I "do". With that being said, it seems like I should really rethink the statement that the counselor made.

How many times have I been impatient? Wanting to move things along at MY speed? How many times have I asked (told) God to get a move on? Unfortunately, too many. It is easier to hear that God is working on me, than to actually allow it. As, I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I realize that more times than not, it is the waiting that makes me who I am....who I need to be in Him. Those are the in between periods where God does His work. Sometimes the waiting is painful, because I have a lot of junk in my life that God has to chip away at, clean up, make new. Other times God shows me Himself, in the peace before the storm. The waiting fortifies me for what lies ahead.

I used to think that waiting was useless...let's get on with it already!  I thought waiting was passive, a thumb twiddling kind of a time. How wrong I was. Waiting is work. Waiting is hard. Waiting is change and growth. Waiting is learning. Waiting is longing. It is in the waiting that endurance is cultivated.

An Olympic runner does not jump out of bed one day and try out to be on the Olympic team. She trains. She pushes. She gets injuries. She gets back up. She runs. Day after day. Weeks, months, years go by...until she is finally ready. When she goes across that finish line, she knows it is only because of the hard work she endured before, that made this moments possible...during the waiting.

The waiting, makes the ending all the more sweet.

So, when you find yourself in a waiting stage of life, remember this: God is in the waiting, and it is exciting to think about what He is going to do WITH you, and FOR you.

Related Articles

• God's Waiting Room! (sprinklednotes.com)


• Waiting On You Lord (hattiemattiemaespiritweaver.wordpress.com)


• Waiting .. (ahnyarthar.wordpress.com)


• A waiting game. (mylifeasawizard.wordpress.com)


• While I'm Waiting (americancowgurl.wordpress.com)


• Waiting (amogck.wordpress.com)


• God Is Waiting on Me? (intimategoddotorg.wordpress.com)


• Death, Dying, Grief (conversationalpackrat.com)

Getting Real With The Girl In The Mirror

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

I'm getting real...and it's scary. I'm not "frightened" scared, more of a "can I do this?" kind of scared.

Stress over eating weighs heavy. That would be funny, if it wasn't so serious. It's an issue. From what I read, and hear, and see, weight and eating issues are killing many of us. Sure, there are health issues that accompany weight loss or gain (depending on what you are dealing with and both can be dangerous) but, I'm talking about these issues killing us--on the inside.

When I was in high school and college, I was slender. I look back at pictures from my past and see how skinny my arms were. Seriously. I didn't struggle to zip my jeans, and everything was in it's natural place (unlike now....did I mention I hate gravity more and more?).

But, even then, I would look at others that I went to school with, and I'd feel fat.

When I was in high school I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Now, that particular diagnosis won't make one GAIN weight, but it sure does make it VERY DIFFICULT to lose once it's there. Anyone who has this disease knows that her metabolism is slow. It has betrayed her. I know from personal experience that I've always had to do two to three times as much exercise as the average gal, to see the same results. In college I danced for hours on end, took an aerobics class, and did weight training.

As an adult I did circuit training five to six days a week and power walked 16-20 miles a week. I felt like I couldn't quit. If I did, I'd gain the weight. Who can keep up with that kind of schedule for forever? Life happens. Babies are birthed. How does one fit in the needed exercise when everyone else NEEDS you and your time?

The weight came...and the older I get, the more difficult it is to lose. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what happened?

Weight watchers and Nutri System, T-Tapp, and weighted hoola hoops, and walking with a friend in the early morning hours. And yet still, the image in the mirror is not what I long to see.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

And just so you know....for the most part, I have a healthy self-esteem. I know I am much more than the girl in the mirror. I get that. I really do. But, still......

As, I have been considering all this, something happened. I know it is a "God thing". I was reading my Bloom book club site, and there was Lysa TerKeurst talking about her new book, Made to Crave. I read the excerpt. I listened to her video clip. It was if this woman was talking directly to me, and my ponderings about what I was going to do about my struggles with exercise and eating.

I ordered the book. I should get it by early next week. I am ready to begin looking at things differently...not my perspective, but God's. Now, some of you might be thinking, "God, is too big to care about my weight issues." That is not true. If it bothers you, than it concerns Him. I believe He wants me healthy. Am I willing to lay my burden of this roller coaster ride of health and weight at His feet.? Can I admit, that I cannot do this in my own power? I need Him? I cannot do it alone--I've tried, but it doesn't last.

Listen to Lysa as she talks about her book. I'm sure she will inspire you, as she did, me.

Has anyone else read her book? What are some things you are doing to lose weight? Move more? Grow closer in your walk with the Lord?

Will you share?

Related Articles

• Weight-Loss Surgery: Accepting Your New Life and Body (everydayhealth.com)


• Coming Clean on Dieting (chaoticallyme.wordpress.com)


• How A Look At Yourself In The Mirror Can Help You Lose Excess Weight (mariaslastdiet.com)


• More Exercise, More Weight (everydayhealth.com)


• Thin for Life (everydayhealth.com)


• Quieting The Self-Critic (reafrey.com)


• Losing Weight With an Underactive Thyroid (everydayhealth.com)


• Scales Can Sabotage a Diet (everydayhealth.com)


• What is circuit training? (fitnesstipsforlife.com)


• Spinning....here I come! (paulettecake.wordpress.com)

Relationship Is Important

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by wader via Flickr"][/caption]

At Faith Barista this week we are discussing the question, "How do you spend time with God and experience spiritual rest?"  Click on the Faith Barista graphic on my right side bar to find out how others experience rest.

All good relationships require communication. If I want to have a better marriage I need to spend time with my husband. We need to talk. Laugh. Cry. Be goofy.....together. If I want to maintain my friendships I have to find time to get together. Chat on the phone. Walk together. Talk together. If I want my relationship as a mother to be nurturing to my children, I need to take time to find out what is important to them. I email family and friends. We keep in touch. We reach out.  Without communication...without sharing... relationships die. Sometimes the death is long, slow and painful. Sometimes not.

I make time for the relationships that are important to me.

My relationship with God is no different. Some people would question me with, "How can you have a RELATIONSHIP with God? God is all about religion...and rules...and church."  My reply is that God, and His son, Jesus are ALL ABOUT relationship. Yes, Jesus came to this earth in the form of man BECAUSE of relationship. God wants relationship with me, not because He NEEDS too, but because He WANTS too. Even though I have been a Christian for many, many years I am still in awe of the fact that the God of the Universe wants to know me....and even more importantly He wants me to KNOW Him.

Sometimes all I need to do, to experience spiritual rest, is to talk WITH Him, the one who knows me most intimately. I commune with the One who knows my heart.

Father,

I long for peace and rest

From You, who knows me best.

I stumble through my days

turning from Your gaze.

I am full of pride

thinking I can hide

all my stress inside

far from You.

Forgive me Father.

I am so stubborn.

I need rest.

Rest for my body.

Rest for my soul.

I need You.

Thank you for your provision for me.

As I draw close to You,

You draw close to me.

And I can rest in Your love.

Amen

Related Articles

• would You find me faithful? (joeyasher.com)


• Favor (ebonywomanofgrace.com)


• Messy Faith (wonderingpreacher.wordpress.com)


• Point to Christ (pastorcraig.org)


• To Know HIM More (heatherdawkins.wordpress.com)


• You will find rest (amblessedbeyondmeasure.com)

For The Love Of Laughter

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

"A cheerful heart has a continuous feast."  Proverbs 15:15

When is the last time you laughed out loud, tears streaming down your face?  Laughed so hard you snorted? Got the hiccups? Your stomach ached from the muscles you used for a good belly laugh?

Laughter feels good.

Nikki, the family calico cat, has a special fondness towards me. Some might call it stalking. She follows me around the house like my shadow. She makes me a little paranoid when she follows me into the bathroom...and sits and stares at me. Eh, hem....I can do this myself, kitty cat. This morning I was making the bed when she came flying out from underneath it. I didn't know she was there so I nearly had a heart attack. She made me laugh out loud because she was covered with dust bunnies. Okay, I admit to all my blog readers that cleaning under the bed is not at the top of my list. Not this week. Um... okay. Not ever. Nikki looked hilarious with a big  ol' dust bunny right on top of her head, between her ears. She did not appear too humiliated by the whole thing.

I laughed so hard this evening! My son's dog, Lonnie is a terrier mix. He can stand and walk around on his hind legs. Lonnie loved the smell of the pot roast that I was serving for dinner. Boy, did he want some! He walked around on his hind legs trying to get at the plate. He was so focused on the plate that he backed right up  into the garbage bag I had setting on the floor, ready to go out. The expression on his face was priceless.

This is the same dog that I blogged about last week that would not eat his yummy, dog food, nutritional bits. Go figure.

Tonight, while preparing dinner, I was singing and goofing around in the kitchen. My son said, "Mom, you are very 'bubbly' today. I like it when you are in a good mood. It makes the whole day better."  His words struck me. How often do I forget, in my day to day busyness, to smile and laugh, and joke?

My son reminded me  that

Laughter is the best medicine and....

It makes the whole day better.

Related Articles

• Eat Your Nutritional Bits! (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Laugh Out Loud (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Laugh Your Way Out (socyberty.com)


• the other side of the story (gorgeoux.com)


• Laugh (miickymie.wordpress.com)


• When Laughter Bubbles-Up (myowntwocents.wordpress.com)


• Laugh (theenlightenedmale.wordpress.com)


• Laughter (badassonpaper.com)

Letting Go

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

This week, we are discussing "letting go". (Click on the Walk With Him Wednesdays/One Thousand Gifts on my right sidebar if you want to read more.)

Letting Go...

So hard for me. I struggle. I cry. I'm stubborn. It hurts.

I hold on until my hands ache. My muscles spasm. I can hardly breathe.

NO, GOD!!!

My grandmother laid in her bed. Family gathered around. We knew her time was short. She was ready to go home, but only days away from being 20 years old, I didn't want to let her go. The memories washed over me, salty tears coursed down my face. I watched, sadly, as the funeral worker came to the house to take her away. She was buried on my birthday. The day I turned 20. The day I told her goodbye.

In November of 2000, the hospital lights glared as I stood over my husband's bed. The nurse asked me if I wanted my husband's wedding ring? And did I want to say a final goodbye to him before they took him away? My pastor friend was there. A friend from Sunday School. I explained to my 5 year old son that Daddy was with God now, and he wasn't coming back.

I got the call early, before I left for work. It was a chilly March morning, that day in 2002. My aunt's voice carried hundreds of miles across the phone line. "Dawn, I called you first. Will you call your sister? Your father is dead. He took his own life."  The air sucked out of my lungs. "What?!" My brain was numb as I attempted to process what she had just told me.  My dad left....and he didn't even say goodbye.

I got a call from my husband, Scott, in January 2009. We had been married for just a tad over 3 years. Scott had a good job (he worked remotely) with a company that he had been with for 22 years. We were in the process of building a house out of state. Exciting times.....until that fateful phone call. His company was letting him go. No fault of his own. Economy. Since he worked remotely, he couldn't be put in a new position. I was trying to process the news....we were a single income family, we were in the middle of building a house, what were we going to do?!  I had to say goodbye to the life that I had known.

Letting go. Saying goodbye. Starting over.

My knuckles were white from the grasping hard.

And yet... it is when I let go, give up, release, that I can watch God in action. When I stop wrestling with Him for control, I can see Him at work.

When I stop saying "me", and start saying "YOU", I give Him glory.

Letting go is not easy. Humanly speaking, I don't know if it ever is. But, it is only when I let go and rest in Him that I fully begin to understand who God  is.

Psalm 34 ...4.I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.....8. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. 17. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

God is good. All the time. Even when we have to let go.

 

Related Articles

• I had to learn how to grieve for my father (theglobeandmail.com)


• thoughts (kharlamovaa.wordpress.com)


• What is prayer? (wonderingpreacher.wordpress.com)


• Psalm 30: joy, worship, and peace. (hersoftlyspokenheart.wordpress.com)


• Look Again - Jonah 2:1-4 (thirdcoastministries.wordpress.com)


• Sometimes God Puts Mud in Your Eyes! (pastorpinon.wordpress.com)


• Be still my soul, be still (completelydevoted.wordpress.com)


• Dog comforts funeral home mourners (timesunion.com)

In The Rearview Mirror

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

In chapter 8 of One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp says, "God reveals Himself in rearview mirrors. And I've an inkling that there are times when we need to drive a long, long distance, before we can look back and see God's back in the rearview mirror...Maybe sometimes about as far as heaven ---that kind of distance."

Wow. That statement rocked me. Hard.

I've thought about this a lot, long before I read Ann's words. She just reminded me of it.

In my own life, I can look back and see all the ways that God has loved and provided for me. He has shown patience with me, and forgiven me.  During the good days...and also in the days I slogged through the muck.

It's all His grace.

Looking back...

Both the wise decisions I've made and the poor decisions...consequences I suffered.

People I've lost...tears I've shed. New friendships and relationships.

Drawing close to Him...Him drawing even closer to me.

My life glimmers in the mirror. School, Family, Career, Marriage, Motherhood, Friendships, Homes, Widowhood, Death, Dating, Remarriage, Blended Families, Resigning from teaching, Home School, New House, Moving, Job Loss, New Job.....

The small decisions of the every day, the big decisions that change a life, the happy, the sad, the silly and the profound. All the things that knit together to make my life.

It is when I look in my rearview mirror that I realize God was there.

He's always been there..... It was me. I was the one driving blind.

I must keep my eyes open to see Him.

I'm continuing on this journey, to thank Him in the daily grind. To live fully...right where I'm at.

# 196 It was only the basement that flooded during this rainy weather. It could have been worse...and it wasn't.

# 197 My husband who is good at fixing stuff, in the now muddy and soggy basement. He's trying hard to get this done.

#198 Warm socks on a cold floor.

#199 Conversations with my children.

#200 Letters from the heart.

# 201 Warm quilts

# 202 My favorite wing back chair to read in

#203 An extra spoonful of sour cream

# 204 My son making dinner

# 205 Kindness

It's all eucharisteo to... Him. It's all grace to me.

(Click the multitudes on Mondays --One Thousand Gifts graphic on the ride side of my blog...if you want to read what others are saying!)

Related Articles

• Wwjd? (curlers.wordpress.com)


• Wheels: OnStar-Equipped Rearview Mirrors Will Be Sold at Best Buy (wheels.blogs.nytimes.com)


• Ford to Install Rearview Cameras by End of 2011 (fool.com)


• Rearview Mirror Reflections (pttyann2.wordpress.com)


• Love in the Rearview Mirror (moinarc.wordpress.com)

Eat Your Nutritional Bits!

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Life has come to me arguing with the dog.He is not participating in the argument, so really it's just me pretending to argue with the dog.

Okay, so maybe cajoling him.

Oh, alright! Begging him. This is so humiliating.

Tonight I was trying to get Lonnie, the wonder dog...all 19 pounds of him...to eat his nutritional bits.

I buy him the dog food that is supposed to be good for him. Healthy even.

The nutritional bits resemble little chocolate chip looking things. Yum.

Lonnie refuses his nutrition. Instead he roots through all the rest of the dog food, spewing bits as he goes. How in the world does an animal that has no fingers pick all those teeny, tiny bits out of the bowl? He must spit them out like watermelon seeds. I will have to make a point to observe this. I'll have to be sneaky if I want to watch, Lonnie tends to be covert.

I called the little terrier to me when I saw the mess he made. I gave him the "stink eye". He stared back. I proceeded to lecture him on his canine health. He licked me. I continued to inform him of his need for good teeth and a shiny coat. He actually yawned. At this point I placed my hand on my hip, got the mom stance and said (with a straight face) "Lonnie you are like a five year old who pushes his peas all around the plate. You need to eat your nutritional bits!"

I thought for sure that I had made my case.

Sigh.

On a good note, the cat seems to enjoy eating them off the floor.

Related Articles

• Happy Eating! Dog Bowls That Slow Down Your Fast Eating Dog (brighthub.com)


• Dog can only eat while standing on two legs (newslite.tv)


• Sizing Up the Ideal Dog (mydogbert.com)


• Dogs FAQ (mydogbert.com)


• Dog Food Ingredients Part 1 (trainyourdogs.wordpress.com)


• Doggie Nutrition (trainyourdogs.wordpress.com)


• Dog Food Ingredients - Part 2 (trainyourdogs.wordpress.com)

Growth Can't Always Be Measured With A Ruler

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="160" caption="Image by alancleaver_2000 via Flickr"][/caption]

I still have a long way to go.

Growing. Stretching. Absorbing. Changing.

Some days I think I've got it all together. Whatever "it" is. I've got it all figured out. I'm on top of things.

Other days I know I don't. I wonder if I ever did.

I look at other people. I think maybe their lives are right. And good.

Even if they aren't.

I measure myself.

I come up short.

I want more.

More of what is good. More of what makes me happy. More of things going my way.

More. More. More.

Ungrateful.

The dark emotion washes over me like the cold waves of a surly ocean. I am overcome.

I breathe deeply. I don't really like this place.

I snip at my kids, ignore my husband, don't even want to pet the dog.

Who am I?

I breathe again.

Ann Voskamp reminds me in chapter 8. I know this woman's words are a gift to me from God Himself. There is no other explanation. God speaks in many ways--and sometimes it is through a Canadian woman, a farmer's wife, a home schooling mom of six. I am humbled.

On page 143, her words sear through me. Cutting me. Straight to the place that oozes with the ungrateful. The worry. The stress. The parts of myself that I don't like to show.

"Anxiety has been my natural posture, my default stiffness.  How I angle my jaw, braced, chisel, the brow with the lines of distrust. How I don't fold my hands in prayer...weld them into tight fists of control...... Do I hold worry close as this ruse of control, this pretense that I'm the one who will determine the course of events as I stir and churn and ruminate? Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is. And stressed, this pitched word that punctuates every conversation, is it really my attempt to prove how indispensable I am? Or is it more? Maybe disguising my deep fears as stress seems braver somehow."

And on page 146, " Stress isn't only a joy stealer. The way we respond to it can be sin." ......"I've got to get this thing, what it means to trust, to gut-believe in the good touch of God toward me, because it's true: I can't fill with joy until I learn how to trust: 'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow." (Romans 15:13)

I breathe again.

And I work on giving thanks. I need to give thanks. I must give thanks.

In order to see.

#155  Rainy days

#156 Warm light spilling through the kitchen

#157  Green showing through melted snow

# 158  Children laughing

 

 

 

 

Related Articles

• Be stress free. (hamob.wordpress.com)


• Stressed or just spoiled? (nutenasni.wordpress.com)


• Hey You! Anxious Person: Stress Out When I'm Talking To You! (crushable.com)


• Stress Symptoms and Natural Measures for Stress Relief (easyayurveda.com)


• Stress (imaginethespirit.wordpress.com)


• Cause and Effect (demurphy2010.wordpress.com)


• Anger Management and Stress: The Art of Living Well (angerblog.wordpress.com)

Who Gets To Choose?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Out of sight. Out of mind.

This news story is tragic and it also scares me. This is a current story that is happening to a family in Canada, our neighbor's to the north.

The parents are asking to take their terminally ill baby home, to die. They know he will eventually die...they are not fighting that. They just want him to die at home, and not in some sterile, impersonal hospital.

The courts got involved, and said that the breathing tube must be removed at the hospital and he will die there. I suppose the decision is part of Canada's health care system.

I have a real problem with this. There does not appear to be any compassion in this decision. The little boy is just another tough decision to make. The humanity is lost. Are they removing his tube, and letting him die because it is too expensive to keep him alive? Why does the government get to make that decision? Who are they, to play God?

(One of the family members)"I believe when the medical world doesn't understand a situation, they just want to get rid of it," Samar said. "That's exactly what's happening."

 

 

Related Articles

• No death panels in Socialized Medicine? UPDATED! (thedaleygator.wordpress.com)


• Family refuses to remove baby's breathing tube (thestar.com)


• Couple's appeal to bring dying baby home dismissed (canada.com)


• Father of dying baby says hospital treating him like a criminal (theprovince.com)


• Father of dying baby says hospital treating him like a criminal (canada.com)


• Dying Ont. baby's fate up to Public Guardian (cbc.ca)


• The cost of keeping the terminally ill alive (kevinmd.com)

Death Warmed Over

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by ThrasherDave via Flickr"][/caption]

I am now in my fifth day of sickness. I do not like being sick. Just puttin' that out there. Even laying on the couch in the throes of death, gets old.

I feel and look rough. To say the least.....and at this point I don't even care. I just want to feel better!

I took a hot shower this morning, thinking that might help me feel better. The thought crossed my mind that I could just stay in the shower until I turned into a shriveled up prune. Or passed out. Whichever came first. My family would eventually find me.

After pulling on some yoga pants and a sweatshirt I trudged out to the kitchen. The house had not yet fallen apart (since I've pretty much been out of commission since last Thursday). I put dishes in the dishwasher and vacuumed some of the rugs that were covered in Lonnie fur. It was not very strenuous work as I have a vacuum that pretty much steers itself.

That was it for me today. I need to do laundry, maybe I will try that tomorrow. I'll have to do it tomorrow...either that or just be naked. Since I'm not a nudist, I suppose laundry it will be. Hopefully, I will wake up tomorrow morning with a renewed vigor. Full of life. Feeling healthy!!! (and not like death warmed over)

Thank you, my readers, for being patient with me (and my blogging) while I've been sick.

 

 

Related Articles

• The World Doesn't Stop, But Sometimes I Do (pioneersblog.wordpress.com)


• Keep Your Germs to Yourself and Sweat It Out at Home (fitsugar.com)


• How to call in sick without jeopardizing your job (cnn.com)


• Being Sick Stinks (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• The Power of a Hot Shower (fitsugar.com)


• Staying Warm (bcmom.livejournal.com)

Being Sick Stinks

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by Kevin H. via Flickr"][/caption]

Yesterday I was really, really sick.  Today I am just really sick. (There is a difference...the extra really from yesterday means I felt like I was on my death bed.)

10 REASONS I HATE BEING SICK

1. My stomach is making all sorts of odd noises that I have a feeling is not going to bode well for me.

2. I had to get up to use the bathroom yesterday afternoon, from where I was laying in the throes of death, on the couch. I didn't have the energy to move. Alas, I made myself get up...because I didn't like the alternative.

3. I didn't feel like eating. The thought of food gagged me, yet if I didn't eat something my blood sugar would drop and I'd be in serious trouble. Yuck. Why is it I only feel this way when I'm sick? How come I can't have an aversion to food for the rest of the time? It would seriously help with the dieting. Sigh.

4. I was freezing cold. I had on sweat pants, a shirt, a sweatshirt, thick socks and a scarf around my neck. I also had on 3 blankets and I was still cold. How annoying is that? Normally, I tend towards being hot. I had a brief flash of what I was going to be going through in another 10 years. Cold and hot flashes because my body thermostat is going to be all wonky. Ugh. I attempted to wipe that thought from my mind.

5. I couldn't get my pillows fluffed correctly and it was driving me nuts. For the love of pete! Why can't the pillows cooperate with me? Can't they see I'm dying?!

6. I glanced at myself yesterday in the mirror. Scary does not describe it. I could have been an extra on the movie Dawn Of The Dead. Actually, the zombies would have looked better than I did. I wish I was kidding.

7. I watched a marathon of Without A Trace on ION yesterday afternoon and evening. Because I wasn't moving from the couch. Ever. Well, unless I had to use the bathroom. (refer back to #2)

8. I was so tired. Like dead tired. (refer back to #6)

9. I was achy. I did ask my family members to rub my shoulders. Which they did. Because they love me...and they didn't want to hear me whine.

10. Being sick stinks...but, I think I am on the mend. I hope. Though I wouldn't mind laying on the couch this afternoon watching TV show marathons.

Related Articles

• "Walking Dead": Zombies for a recession-age America (salon.com)


• AMC's The Walking Dead Is a Massive Zombie Hit (escapistmagazine.com)


• Top 10 Zombie Movies: The Gold Standard in Zombie Movies (brighthub.com)


• help me lessen the stink (ask.metafilter.com)


• Out Sick - Sorry for the lack of Posts from The Dump Stat (thedumpstat.blogspot.com)


• Wordless Wednesday: I'm Sick of Being Sick!!! I Look Like Crap..... (wmljshewbridge.blogspot.com)


• Can you get sick from your own germs? (ask.metafilter.com)


• Real People Sick. (sixuntilme.com)


• Menopause-Facts. (ramanan50.wordpress.com)


• Rant: I'd Rather Be Sick Than Follow These Healthy People Secrets (crushable.com)


• Sick, Sick, Sick (mythoughtsideasandramblings.com)

The Gifts For Today

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="198" caption="Image by rustman via Flickr"][/caption]

I am beginning my journey of gratitude. Writing down each of the things that I am grateful for. Giving thanks.

Each Monday ,and maybe some days in between, I will share my list with you. I ask that you join me in this endeavor, in saying thank you for your own gifts. (See my side bar with multitudes on mondays - one thousand gifts button)

#1 My God, My Jesus...for loving me. For loving me long before I loved Him. I didn't deserve the love, yet it was given to me. Freely.

#2 My husband, who came to me by way of loss, has turned my life around and changed my life story.

#3 My son,  who I've had opportunity to love with all my heart, since before he was even born.

#4 My son and daughters through my marriage, that I have adopted in my heart.

#5 My health...though not perfect...is better than most. I'm thankful for lungs that breathe, a heart that beats, a brain that thinks, and a soul that sings.

#6 My family members who have loved me, in spite of...

#7 A mother who encourages me.

#8  The warmth of a house on a cold winters day.

#9 The way the lamp light puddles on the floor, near my reading chair.

#10 The smell of dinner cooking.

Related Articles

• 4 Qualities of a Generous Life (christianpf.com)


• Teaching Kids the Importance of Gratitude (everydayhealth.com)


• Do I Want To Change The Story? (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• gratitude attitude. (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Gratitude, the Parent of All Virtues (geneveith.com)


• A Dare To Live Fully (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Let those you love know what makes your grateful (thestar.com)

Do I Want To Change The Story?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

I have mentioned that I am reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. After going through the first chapter, and discussing it with the book club, here are some of my insights.

Even if you haven't read the book, I'm sure you can relate.

(pg. 14) "Does God really love me? If He truly, deeply loves me, why does He withhold that which I believe will fully nourish me? Why do I live in this sense of rejection, of less than, of pain? Does He not want me to be happy?

I admit I have that thought sometimes. On days that I presume that I know so much more than God, I'm sure that my plan will work. If He would only allow me to have my way, everything would work out for me. I would live happily ever after. Doesn't He love me enough to let me do this on my own? Why can't He just let me? Doesn't He want me to be happy?

In my mind I have it figured out, but....in my heart I don't really feel it. My heart knows that I am not capable of writing my own story. I am the same one who is scared of mice, burns toast, and is directionally challenged. I can't handle the most basic things of life and I know I am helpless to even try with the harder things. I fail. Without Him, I fail. Every. Single. Time.

And yet, I still want the control. The ability to run my story, my way. I want to stamp my life with, I CAN. I WILL. I KNOW. I DID. I want to be in the driver's seat of my own destiny. My life map spread out before me. MY voice, the one giving directions through the GPS of my story.

My hubris knows no bounds.

(pg. 15) "Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other."

If I'm completely honest with myself. Really honest...isn't that how I feel? How about you?

The life we live, is hardly the life we planned. We wonder if there isn't something more in the 24 hours a day? When years turn into decades, do we look back with gratitude? Or grief?Peace or regret?

(pg. 21) As Mrs. Voskamp tells the story of her brother-in-law, a man and his wife that lost two of their young sons to a genetic disease. She struggled with her nephew's deaths. She told this grieving father, if it were up to her....she would write the story differently. He replied, "Just that maybe...maybe you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds."

It's true. I don't know what the ending holds.

God does. He knows.

I could attempt my own story. I could fight. I could scratch and claw my way through life. Constantly grabbing back, what I feel is mine to have. Wishing...screaming....for things to be different.

If I do that, I will miss the things. The small things. The every day things. The things that bring joy. If my eyes are riveted, by pride, to all I do not have, I will completely miss all that I do have. I will miss all the ways that God has said yes to me. There is peace and joy in the every day...if I deliberately take the time to see it. And thank God for it.

 

 

 

Related Articles

• Mapping and documenting a year of travels (flowingdata.com)


• A Dare To Live Fully (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Book Review: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp (seattlepi.com)


• Living Life, Fully In The Moment (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (queenoftheclick.com)


• The 50 Best Life Story Questions. (dancurtis.ca)


• The idiot’s guide to driving with a GPS (theglobeandmail.com)

Where Your Heart Is...

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."- Jesus (Luke 12:34)

The heart.

Not just the vessel that pumps our life blood, but the heart of our very being...

Who you are

What you desire

How you live

All of you.

For without the heart we are nothing.

Love, passion, life...

What am I passionate about? And you?

My treasure--where is it stored?

Seeking His kingdom with all my heart.

My passion. My life blood.

My treasure.

 

Luke 12: 22-34

 

 

Related Articles

• Storing Up Treasure In Heaven (christianpf.com)


• Mark Bartley's gift of life (healthzone.ca)


• The Heart Is The Key (pastorpaulvbsblog.blogspot.com)


• Lord, Is My Heart Stubborn? Exodus 7:14 (dianneguthmuller.com)


• Super Bowl impact on your heart ()


• Mark Your Calendars for Wear Red Day On February 4th (blogs.forbes.com)


• How many scriptures of Isaiah are in the New Testament (wiki.answers.com)


• She Broke my Heart (blessedsilence.wordpress.com)


• Guarding Your Heart (samuelatgilgal.wordpress.com)

Do Not Worry About Tomorrow

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

The backpack is far too heavy for me. I am hunched over from the struggle of having to carry it. It strains me almost to the point of exhaustion.

I'm weighed down by everything I have shoved in there.

Finances.

Relationships.

Marriage.

The Daily Routine.

The Mundane.

Accidents.

Decisions.

Weather.

School.

Children.

The past.

The future.

Illness.

Health.

The things of life, that I worry over.

Each one seemingly so important that I feel I must carry it.

These things that I continually shove in my own personal backpack.

Sometimes it is so full I can't even zip it shut. Just when I think there is room for nothing else...I squeeze another worry in.

I cannot continue like this.

"Father, this is so difficult for me. I don't want to worry, but worry creeps back to me. I say I trust You. I give you the backpack, but then I take it back again. The worry feels comfortable to me...even if it is painful.

Father, will you help me? Help me to trust you more. I need your words from Matthew 6:34 to soothe my tired back. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things."

Lord, you are so much more capable to carry my burdens than I am. Forgive me for not trusting you more."

Related Articles

• Worrying About the Future (brighthub.com)


• Embracing Today (ahighandnoblecalling.com)


• Today's Trouble (lovemeanyway.wordpress.com)


• How to Overcome Worry (socyberty.com)


• 9 Ways to Ward Off Your Worries (psychcentral.com)


• Worry (dickstersrandomthoughts.com)


• Nope, not gonna do it. (jesskateer.wordpress.com)


• If Tomorrow Never Comes....Then What? (fightingfatigue.org)