Why?

I've spent a lot of my life asking questions. Not always out loud. I want to know the "why" behind things. What is the reasoning? What is the point?

How come? Why not? Are you sure? Does this make sense? Is this right? What do you think?

I still wrestle with the "why" questions of  life.

This past year, in the Grief Share group that I facilitate with my husband, one lady (that speaks on the DVD) talked about the fact that she is directionally challenged, can't program her own VCR, and doesn't know how to change the oil in her car... and yet she expects to understand the why of her husband's death? She went on to say that if she, who had difficulty with day to day chores, could understand God and how He thinks, wouldn't that make God small? Wouldn't that be putting the God of the universe in a neat, little, understandable box?  We as humans with finite minds will never be able to completely understand an infinite God.

To hear her speak was humbling...

because, so many times that is me.

I was reminded... once again...

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 8-9 NIV

Yes, Lord.

And I am humbled.

Related articles

• A Perfect Plan (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Should we really try to understand the Trinity? (westernthm.wordpress.com)


• Grief (livingingraceland.wordpress.com)


• Last Night a Trap Boy Saved My Life: T.I.'s Urban Legend (Feature) (popmatters.com)


• So much grief (ask.metafilter.com)

Why?

I've spent a lot of my life asking questions. Not always out loud. I want to know the "why" behind things. What is the reasoning? What is the point?

How come? Why not? Are you sure? Does this make sense? Is this right? What do you think?

I still wrestle with the "why" questions of  life.

This past year, in the Grief Share group that I facilitate with my husband, one lady (that speaks on the DVD) talked about the fact that she is directionally challenged, can't program her own VCR, and doesn't know how to change the oil in her car... and yet she expects to understand the why of her husband's death? She went on to say that if she, who had difficulty with day to day chores, could understand God and how He thinks, wouldn't that make God small? Wouldn't that be putting the God of the universe in a neat, little, understandable box?  We as humans with finite minds will never be able to completely understand an infinite God.

To hear her speak was humbling...

because, so many times that is me.

I was reminded... once again...

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 8-9 NIV

Yes, Lord.

And I am humbled.

Related articles

• A Perfect Plan (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Should we really try to understand the Trinity? (westernthm.wordpress.com)


• Grief (livingingraceland.wordpress.com)


• Last Night a Trap Boy Saved My Life: T.I.'s Urban Legend (Feature) (popmatters.com)


• So much grief (ask.metafilter.com)

When Walking In Pain

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by 竜次 ryuuji via Flickr"][/caption]

This week we are continuing to talk about being Christ-centric.

Making Christ our center.

Keeping Him in the center of each day.

In the center of a life.


**************

I've been thinking about pain, lately...

I cut my knee the other day. It bled a lot and it hurt.

I had a headache earlier this week and it made my neck stiff.

I don't like pain. I don't like to hurt. I try to shun it at all costs, if I can't do that,  I learn to tolerate it.  Sometimes pain doesn't show itself in a bloody knee, or a sore neck. Sometimes it shows itself, in ways that hurt to much to talk about.

Some days it is easier to deny the pain.

For awhile.

But then I'm forced to deal with it. Not always well. I struggle.

I am alone in my thoughts.

Isn't that the way of the human heart?

The thoughts rush through me, much like a tsunami. I wonder if this is what it feels like to drown?

...A friend who is watching the son she once knew, slip away to a confusing medical diagnosis--and doctors who don't hear her.

...Another friend who has to put his dear wife in a nursing home because her care has become to much for him

...A friend whose husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, at 46

...A marriage dissolves

...A family that sits in an emergency room

...An unplanned pregancy

...Broken family bonds

...Poor decisions

...Hours cut at the job, when one is barely making ends meet

...A family member whose body is worn down from cancer treatments

...A widow, whose husband was taken from her by a man with a gun

And the list goes on.

Pain. Stinging pain.

How do I live a Christ centered life...how do I show Christ to others, when there is so much pain?

When the heart is burdened and the tears build

When an answer isn't given

When nothing seems to make sense

When facing the dashing of dreams

or the certainty of death...

I want Christ in the center.

I want Him not just near me. I want to be full of Him.

I want to be reminded that I do not walk alone.

I need to remember that nothing can separate me from Him. Nothing.

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

AMEN

Related articles

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• What do you do in the midst of deep darkness? (crt010304.wordpress.com)


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• Embrace the Cross (Re-Post) (inchristus.wordpress.com)


• For those who hurt. (practicingjane.wordpress.com)


• Being a Christian (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)


• 6-21-11) Why This Pain (late4work.wordpress.com)

When Walking In Pain

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by 竜次 ryuuji via Flickr"][/caption]

This week we are continuing to talk about being Christ-centric.

Making Christ our center.

Keeping Him in the center of each day.

In the center of a life.


**************

I've been thinking about pain, lately...

I cut my knee the other day. It bled a lot and it hurt.

I had a headache earlier this week and it made my neck stiff.

I don't like pain. I don't like to hurt. I try to shun it at all costs, if I can't do that,  I learn to tolerate it.  Sometimes pain doesn't show itself in a bloody knee, or a sore neck. Sometimes it shows itself, in ways that hurt to much to talk about.

Some days it is easier to deny the pain.

For awhile.

But then I'm forced to deal with it. Not always well. I struggle.

I am alone in my thoughts.

Isn't that the way of the human heart?

The thoughts rush through me, much like a tsunami. I wonder if this is what it feels like to drown?

...A friend who is watching the son she once knew, slip away to a confusing medical diagnosis--and doctors who don't hear her.

...Another friend who has to put his dear wife in a nursing home because her care has become to much for him

...A friend whose husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, at 46

...A marriage dissolves

...A family that sits in an emergency room

...An unplanned pregancy

...Broken family bonds

...Poor decisions

...Hours cut at the job, when one is barely making ends meet

...A family member whose body is worn down from cancer treatments

...A widow, whose husband was taken from her by a man with a gun

And the list goes on.

Pain. Stinging pain.

How do I live a Christ centered life...how do I show Christ to others, when there is so much pain?

When the heart is burdened and the tears build

When an answer isn't given

When nothing seems to make sense

When facing the dashing of dreams

or the certainty of death...

I want Christ in the center.

I want Him not just near me. I want to be full of Him.

I want to be reminded that I do not walk alone.

I need to remember that nothing can separate me from Him. Nothing.

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

AMEN

Related articles

• The Big Questions in Life. (jesusfreak783.wordpress.com)


• What do you do in the midst of deep darkness? (crt010304.wordpress.com)


• God Heals Hurts (guest post) (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Embrace the Cross (Re-Post) (inchristus.wordpress.com)


• For those who hurt. (practicingjane.wordpress.com)


• Being a Christian (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)


• 6-21-11) Why This Pain (late4work.wordpress.com)

Hiking The Canyon

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Today, Ann Voskamp  has us posting about being Christ-centric in her Walk With Him Wednesdays.


Ouch.

How do OTHERS see Jesus in me? DO they see Jesus in me?

My hope is that they do but...

I'm not perfect. I don't always have the words to say. I lose my temper. I want my own way. I wish things were different. I complain. Not very Jesus-like, huh?

Words like FAILURE, MISTAKE, and UNWORTHY come to mind. I wear them around my neck, like ID tags. Don't you recognize me? I'm the one that is unworthy to bear the name of Christ. The woman that stumbles under the weight of her own perceptions.

How many times have I used the excuse that I am having a "bad day" to gripe at my husband, snip at my kids, or yell at the dog? I begrudgingly vacuum the rugs, clean the toilets, wash the clothes and fix the evening meal. I clean messes that I didn't make, say things I didn't mean, and make it my mission, on certain days, to not be joyful.  Thoughts run through my mind like a broken tape recorder.  On some days I feel the bitterness creep in... don't I deserve more than this?

The fissure in a soul can break wide open and leave a canyon between what is known and what is done.

Be more like Christ...   "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 NAS

Just as Christ has forgiven me. The words echo deep in the canyon... bouncing off the walls of my heart. Forgive them.

Be more like Christ...  "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  Philippians 4:8  NAS

Dwell on these things. Even the deepness of a canyon can be beautiful, when the sun shines on rough rock. It is difficult to complain if I am concentrating on lovely things. I can make that choice.

Be more like Christ...  "The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 145:8  ESV

Showing grace and mercy, the anger drains from me. Let it go!  Anger and bitterness kill the spirit of the one that holds on to them, and I can die from thirst if I can't find my way off the canyon floor, to the life giving water.

Being more Christ like is not easy...but, Jesus Himself said it would be worth it. So, I continue hiking out of the canyon.

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Hiking The Canyon

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Today, Ann Voskamp  has us posting about being Christ-centric in her Walk With Him Wednesdays.


Ouch.

How do OTHERS see Jesus in me? DO they see Jesus in me?

My hope is that they do but...

I'm not perfect. I don't always have the words to say. I lose my temper. I want my own way. I wish things were different. I complain. Not very Jesus-like, huh?

Words like FAILURE, MISTAKE, and UNWORTHY come to mind. I wear them around my neck, like ID tags. Don't you recognize me? I'm the one that is unworthy to bear the name of Christ. The woman that stumbles under the weight of her own perceptions.

How many times have I used the excuse that I am having a "bad day" to gripe at my husband, snip at my kids, or yell at the dog? I begrudgingly vacuum the rugs, clean the toilets, wash the clothes and fix the evening meal. I clean messes that I didn't make, say things I didn't mean, and make it my mission, on certain days, to not be joyful.  Thoughts run through my mind like a broken tape recorder.  On some days I feel the bitterness creep in... don't I deserve more than this?

The fissure in a soul can break wide open and leave a canyon between what is known and what is done.

Be more like Christ...   "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 NAS

Just as Christ has forgiven me. The words echo deep in the canyon... bouncing off the walls of my heart. Forgive them.

Be more like Christ...  "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  Philippians 4:8  NAS

Dwell on these things. Even the deepness of a canyon can be beautiful, when the sun shines on rough rock. It is difficult to complain if I am concentrating on lovely things. I can make that choice.

Be more like Christ...  "The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 145:8  ESV

Showing grace and mercy, the anger drains from me. Let it go!  Anger and bitterness kill the spirit of the one that holds on to them, and I can die from thirst if I can't find my way off the canyon floor, to the life giving water.

Being more Christ like is not easy...but, Jesus Himself said it would be worth it. So, I continue hiking out of the canyon.

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• Somewhere between the heavenly and the hellish . . . (hopeofglory.typepad.com)


• Grand Canyon day & night - Grand Canyon Village, AZ (travelpod.com)


• Blessed "Be" attitudes :: Be Merciful (thepauls.wordpress.com)


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God Is In The Storms

He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills.  Psalm 147:8  NIV

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God, Can I Pencil You In?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Calendars. To do lists. Schedules. Clocks.

I'm the type of personality that likes to keep things in order.

I like surprises...if it's a party. Not so much, if it's a life circumstance that I'm not ready for.

And yet...

I serve a God who is not chained to calendars or clocks.

His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts.

He does not consult my Daytimer to see if I can fit His plans into my schedule.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8 NIV

I'll be honest with you. When Bonnie, at Faith Barista, posed the question, "  What is something new God is asking you to step out in?", I wasn't sure what to write.

The truth is I've been through a lot of what most people would call "challenging" circumstances, in my life time. I'll also be completely forthright with you by saying that there are many times when I say to God, " You know Lord, I really am worn out....can't I just 'coast' for a little while? You know, nothing too good, nothing too bad...just easy. Puh-leeze?"

I'm glad that God loves me enough to not let me sit around and grow stagnant. Even if that seems okay with me, at the time.

A former pastor of mine said something that has always stuck with me. We are either in the middle of a trial, getting ready to go into a trial, or we just came out of a trial. That is life.....and he is correct.  It is usually when I'm "in the fire" that I learn something new about God...something life changing for me.

I don't know what new thing God is wanting me to step out into....at least not yet. I believe I'm in a waiting stage right now. Many times it is the waiting that grows me. The uncertainty that draws me to Him. The dependence on God, that through my weaknesses, He will be glorified.

There are a list of things I want to do. New things I'd like to try. Maybe those desires are seeds that God Himself has planted in my heart. It could be He wants to grow me for awhile longer. At times the waiting is difficult. I struggle. I'd like to schedule things into my life. But, God says no, not yet.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31  NIV

And so I wait.

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The Wonder Of It All

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

A few nights ago my son and I were out in the front yard. It was a beautiful spring evening. The sun was low in the sky, spreading it's warm rays across the yard. One of the dogs was laying in the grass, watching us as we walked down the driveway to inspect the killdeer eggs. A mama killdeer picked the edge of our driveway to make her nest. Her unborn babies are nestled into the gravels, near the grass, perfectly disguised in nature. One really has to look to see them.

As we got closer to her "hide out", she jumped up and squawked at us. She puffed her self up to show us all her feathers. It was as if she was trying to pick a fight with us. "Come and get me!" she chirped. Killdeer are interesting that way. Mama bird distracts the enemy from the nest. She gets the enemy to follow her by getting his attention, then running off and pretending her wing is damaged. "Oh, I'm hurt...why don't you try and come and eat me?" She screeches even louder. My son and I followed her to the end of the driveway. She ran out onto the road and at the last minute flew away...only to circle back around to check and make sure we were not heading back to the nest.

Living where we do, we see a lot of nature...up close and personal. Birds and their nests, geese honking, in the spring rain pond, across the road, a ground hog that has made a home in the bank next to the creek, and deer bounding across the open fields. The sun shines brightly, while the wind bows the tall grass of the fields into submission. Life is all around us. Spring time birth.

Sometimes I just have to stop and ponder the wonder of it all.

The God who sets all things in motion, who sends the rain and the wind, who created the animals, and has the sun set in space...all of nature cries out to exclaim the glory and wonder of God.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
 Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Psalm 96: 11-12 NIV

 “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the
Lord!”“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”
  Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”
  “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19: 38-40

God has done all of these things and so much more and yet He knows me. Me. He doesn't just sort of know me. He didn't create me and leave me.  He not only knows me, He longs for me to know Him...and for you to know Him too.

Let that sink in for a moment.

God, each Spring, resurrects life. He covers the hills with new, emerald green grass, wildflowers in all their beauty, nature is new again...and fresh and beautiful.

That is what He does with me too. God is intimately involved in my daily life. He breathes new life into a dry spirit, after a long, dark winter. He comforts me, much like the mama bird who defends and protects her not yet born, children. There is new, fresh joy at the knowledge of His love.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings... Psalm 17:8

I have to stop and consider the wonder of it all.

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A Perfect Plan

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

I'm portraying Mary (mother of Jesus) in an Easter monologue, this weekend.

Mary had the heart of a mother, when she admitted that she did not understand the purpose of Jesus' death. She knew He was the son of God, and yet she watched Him be hung on a cross to die. To die. Her heart bled out, along with her son's. She knew He was God, but He was also her son...whom she loved. "Why, God? Why? It doesn't make sense to me!"

Today, on the way home from a short trip into town, I was practicing my lines. Her words, so much she did not understand, echo back to my own heart. So much, I do not understand. I have the blessing of knowing that death was not the end for Jesus. I am able to celebrate the resurrection that followed. At the time, right after the crucifixion, Mary did not know.....yet.

Yet.

Isn't that like so many of us? God does something in our lives...and we question Him. We shake our fists. We cry out. It's not fair! Why me? I don't understand. What is the purpose?

God in His infinite wisdom knows. Nothing comes as a surprise to Him. He is never caught off guard.

If God was small enough for me to understand Him (a woman who doesn't understand her own computer), He wouldn't be much of a God now, would He?  I cannot put God in a box.  Sometimes He does things that seem like they don't make sense...at least not to my human, finite mind. I feel very much like Mary, standing in the dark on that day, wondering why? I am grateful that God does not require my permission to complete His plan.

(Jesus) "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39  NIV

So, this Easter I will celebrate God's plan. A holy plan. A perfect plan. A plan that took His Son to the cross, to pay the price...for me. That's how much He loves you...and me. Redeemed by the blood of the lamb. The pure and blameless sacrifice...

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You Took My Place

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia The quiet moments. The times of reflection. The times of remembrance."][/caption]

The quiet moments. The moments of thought and reflection.

Sacrifice. Pain. Tears.

"Crucify Him! Crucify Him!"  The crowds of so long ago, shouted. Their voices echo through time... I cannot blame them. They were imperfect sinners. Just like me. I was in that crowd.

My sin crucified my Lord. It wasn't just "other people". It was me. My sin, put Him there. His love for me, kept Him there.

Selfishness! The slam of the hammer, as the nails pierced His flesh.

Pride! His face twisted in agony.

Resentment! The burden on His shoulders.

Bitterness! The blood dripped down.

God, forgive me. Please forgive me.

***************

You Took My Place

The thorns on your head

blood, runs red.

You hung on a Roman cross

for sin not your own,

the pain unbearable

the sounds of your groan.

You could have called angels to deliver you, free

but you stayed there...you stayed there for me.

"Father forgive her

She doesn't know!"

You saw me, you knew me

before time began,

you hung on that cross

the Savior of man.

You took the blame

You bore my shame.

Jesus my Lord, You took my place

knowing your sacrifice

your gift of grace...

Would deliver me from

death...and its dark face.

The stone rolled away

You are alive, no longer dead!

You stand victorious

Just like you said!

---Dawn Gibson 2011

Won't you join us, as we walk with Him?

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The Day Death Died

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by stevenconger@sbcglobal.net via Flickr"][/caption]

It did not end with Jesus in the grave. The tomb could not hold him. Death could not conquer him. On the third day he arose! Just like he said he would.

A favorite hymn of Easter....

LOW IN THE GRAVE HE LAY

1. Low in the grave He lay,
   Jesus my Savior,
   Waiting the coming day,
   Jesus my Lord!
   
   
   
   • Refrain:
     Up from the grave He arose,
     With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,
     He arose a Victor from the dark domain,
     And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.
     He arose! He arose!
     Hallelujah! Christ arose!
   
   
   
   


2. Vainly they watch His bed,
   Jesus my Savior;
   Vainly they seal the dead,
   Jesus my Lord!


3. Death cannot keep its Prey,
   Jesus my Savior;
   He tore the bars away,
   Jesus my Lord!

Robert Lowry, 1874

1 Peter 1:18-20 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. (NIV)

Matthew 28:7   "Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

HE HAS RISEN!  HE HAS RISEN INDEED!

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Relationship Is Important

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At Faith Barista this week we are discussing the question, "How do you spend time with God and experience spiritual rest?"  Click on the Faith Barista graphic on my right side bar to find out how others experience rest.

All good relationships require communication. If I want to have a better marriage I need to spend time with my husband. We need to talk. Laugh. Cry. Be goofy.....together. If I want to maintain my friendships I have to find time to get together. Chat on the phone. Walk together. Talk together. If I want my relationship as a mother to be nurturing to my children, I need to take time to find out what is important to them. I email family and friends. We keep in touch. We reach out.  Without communication...without sharing... relationships die. Sometimes the death is long, slow and painful. Sometimes not.

I make time for the relationships that are important to me.

My relationship with God is no different. Some people would question me with, "How can you have a RELATIONSHIP with God? God is all about religion...and rules...and church."  My reply is that God, and His son, Jesus are ALL ABOUT relationship. Yes, Jesus came to this earth in the form of man BECAUSE of relationship. God wants relationship with me, not because He NEEDS too, but because He WANTS too. Even though I have been a Christian for many, many years I am still in awe of the fact that the God of the Universe wants to know me....and even more importantly He wants me to KNOW Him.

Sometimes all I need to do, to experience spiritual rest, is to talk WITH Him, the one who knows me most intimately. I commune with the One who knows my heart.

Father,

I long for peace and rest

From You, who knows me best.

I stumble through my days

turning from Your gaze.

I am full of pride

thinking I can hide

all my stress inside

far from You.

Forgive me Father.

I am so stubborn.

I need rest.

Rest for my body.

Rest for my soul.

I need You.

Thank you for your provision for me.

As I draw close to You,

You draw close to me.

And I can rest in Your love.

Amen

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Just Plain Weary

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There are days when I am beyond tired.

I'm not just sleepy. I don't need a nap.

My spirit is sagging. I am worn down and run ragged.

The race is long and the finish line is no where in sight.

I'm about to give up... or give in.

I am soul weary.

My weariness drives me to the only One who can give me the rest that I yearn for.

The One whose words are true.

The One who walks with me...and on days when I am too weary to walk on my own,

carries me.

Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ----- My shelter.

Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ---   My renewal.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. --- My peace.

This month we are talking about rest over at Faith Barista. Click on the Faith Barista Jam graphic on my right sidebar to find out more.

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