Why?

I've spent a lot of my life asking questions. Not always out loud. I want to know the "why" behind things. What is the reasoning? What is the point?

How come? Why not? Are you sure? Does this make sense? Is this right? What do you think?

I still wrestle with the "why" questions of  life.

This past year, in the Grief Share group that I facilitate with my husband, one lady (that speaks on the DVD) talked about the fact that she is directionally challenged, can't program her own VCR, and doesn't know how to change the oil in her car... and yet she expects to understand the why of her husband's death? She went on to say that if she, who had difficulty with day to day chores, could understand God and how He thinks, wouldn't that make God small? Wouldn't that be putting the God of the universe in a neat, little, understandable box?  We as humans with finite minds will never be able to completely understand an infinite God.

To hear her speak was humbling...

because, so many times that is me.

I was reminded... once again...

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 8-9 NIV

Yes, Lord.

And I am humbled.

Related articles

• A Perfect Plan (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Should we really try to understand the Trinity? (westernthm.wordpress.com)


• Grief (livingingraceland.wordpress.com)


• Last Night a Trap Boy Saved My Life: T.I.'s Urban Legend (Feature) (popmatters.com)


• So much grief (ask.metafilter.com)

Why?

I've spent a lot of my life asking questions. Not always out loud. I want to know the "why" behind things. What is the reasoning? What is the point?

How come? Why not? Are you sure? Does this make sense? Is this right? What do you think?

I still wrestle with the "why" questions of  life.

This past year, in the Grief Share group that I facilitate with my husband, one lady (that speaks on the DVD) talked about the fact that she is directionally challenged, can't program her own VCR, and doesn't know how to change the oil in her car... and yet she expects to understand the why of her husband's death? She went on to say that if she, who had difficulty with day to day chores, could understand God and how He thinks, wouldn't that make God small? Wouldn't that be putting the God of the universe in a neat, little, understandable box?  We as humans with finite minds will never be able to completely understand an infinite God.

To hear her speak was humbling...

because, so many times that is me.

I was reminded... once again...

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 8-9 NIV

Yes, Lord.

And I am humbled.

Related articles

• A Perfect Plan (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Should we really try to understand the Trinity? (westernthm.wordpress.com)


• Grief (livingingraceland.wordpress.com)


• Last Night a Trap Boy Saved My Life: T.I.'s Urban Legend (Feature) (popmatters.com)


• So much grief (ask.metafilter.com)

When Walking In Pain

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by 竜次 ryuuji via Flickr"][/caption]

This week we are continuing to talk about being Christ-centric.

Making Christ our center.

Keeping Him in the center of each day.

In the center of a life.


**************

I've been thinking about pain, lately...

I cut my knee the other day. It bled a lot and it hurt.

I had a headache earlier this week and it made my neck stiff.

I don't like pain. I don't like to hurt. I try to shun it at all costs, if I can't do that,  I learn to tolerate it.  Sometimes pain doesn't show itself in a bloody knee, or a sore neck. Sometimes it shows itself, in ways that hurt to much to talk about.

Some days it is easier to deny the pain.

For awhile.

But then I'm forced to deal with it. Not always well. I struggle.

I am alone in my thoughts.

Isn't that the way of the human heart?

The thoughts rush through me, much like a tsunami. I wonder if this is what it feels like to drown?

...A friend who is watching the son she once knew, slip away to a confusing medical diagnosis--and doctors who don't hear her.

...Another friend who has to put his dear wife in a nursing home because her care has become to much for him

...A friend whose husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, at 46

...A marriage dissolves

...A family that sits in an emergency room

...An unplanned pregancy

...Broken family bonds

...Poor decisions

...Hours cut at the job, when one is barely making ends meet

...A family member whose body is worn down from cancer treatments

...A widow, whose husband was taken from her by a man with a gun

And the list goes on.

Pain. Stinging pain.

How do I live a Christ centered life...how do I show Christ to others, when there is so much pain?

When the heart is burdened and the tears build

When an answer isn't given

When nothing seems to make sense

When facing the dashing of dreams

or the certainty of death...

I want Christ in the center.

I want Him not just near me. I want to be full of Him.

I want to be reminded that I do not walk alone.

I need to remember that nothing can separate me from Him. Nothing.

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

AMEN

Related articles

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• What do you do in the midst of deep darkness? (crt010304.wordpress.com)


• God Heals Hurts (guest post) (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Embrace the Cross (Re-Post) (inchristus.wordpress.com)


• For those who hurt. (practicingjane.wordpress.com)


• Being a Christian (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)


• 6-21-11) Why This Pain (late4work.wordpress.com)

When Walking In Pain

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by 竜次 ryuuji via Flickr"][/caption]

This week we are continuing to talk about being Christ-centric.

Making Christ our center.

Keeping Him in the center of each day.

In the center of a life.


**************

I've been thinking about pain, lately...

I cut my knee the other day. It bled a lot and it hurt.

I had a headache earlier this week and it made my neck stiff.

I don't like pain. I don't like to hurt. I try to shun it at all costs, if I can't do that,  I learn to tolerate it.  Sometimes pain doesn't show itself in a bloody knee, or a sore neck. Sometimes it shows itself, in ways that hurt to much to talk about.

Some days it is easier to deny the pain.

For awhile.

But then I'm forced to deal with it. Not always well. I struggle.

I am alone in my thoughts.

Isn't that the way of the human heart?

The thoughts rush through me, much like a tsunami. I wonder if this is what it feels like to drown?

...A friend who is watching the son she once knew, slip away to a confusing medical diagnosis--and doctors who don't hear her.

...Another friend who has to put his dear wife in a nursing home because her care has become to much for him

...A friend whose husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, at 46

...A marriage dissolves

...A family that sits in an emergency room

...An unplanned pregancy

...Broken family bonds

...Poor decisions

...Hours cut at the job, when one is barely making ends meet

...A family member whose body is worn down from cancer treatments

...A widow, whose husband was taken from her by a man with a gun

And the list goes on.

Pain. Stinging pain.

How do I live a Christ centered life...how do I show Christ to others, when there is so much pain?

When the heart is burdened and the tears build

When an answer isn't given

When nothing seems to make sense

When facing the dashing of dreams

or the certainty of death...

I want Christ in the center.

I want Him not just near me. I want to be full of Him.

I want to be reminded that I do not walk alone.

I need to remember that nothing can separate me from Him. Nothing.

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8: 38-39

AMEN

Related articles

• The Big Questions in Life. (jesusfreak783.wordpress.com)


• What do you do in the midst of deep darkness? (crt010304.wordpress.com)


• God Heals Hurts (guest post) (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Embrace the Cross (Re-Post) (inchristus.wordpress.com)


• For those who hurt. (practicingjane.wordpress.com)


• Being a Christian (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)


• 6-21-11) Why This Pain (late4work.wordpress.com)

Hiking The Canyon

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Today, Ann Voskamp  has us posting about being Christ-centric in her Walk With Him Wednesdays.


Ouch.

How do OTHERS see Jesus in me? DO they see Jesus in me?

My hope is that they do but...

I'm not perfect. I don't always have the words to say. I lose my temper. I want my own way. I wish things were different. I complain. Not very Jesus-like, huh?

Words like FAILURE, MISTAKE, and UNWORTHY come to mind. I wear them around my neck, like ID tags. Don't you recognize me? I'm the one that is unworthy to bear the name of Christ. The woman that stumbles under the weight of her own perceptions.

How many times have I used the excuse that I am having a "bad day" to gripe at my husband, snip at my kids, or yell at the dog? I begrudgingly vacuum the rugs, clean the toilets, wash the clothes and fix the evening meal. I clean messes that I didn't make, say things I didn't mean, and make it my mission, on certain days, to not be joyful.  Thoughts run through my mind like a broken tape recorder.  On some days I feel the bitterness creep in... don't I deserve more than this?

The fissure in a soul can break wide open and leave a canyon between what is known and what is done.

Be more like Christ...   "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 NAS

Just as Christ has forgiven me. The words echo deep in the canyon... bouncing off the walls of my heart. Forgive them.

Be more like Christ...  "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  Philippians 4:8  NAS

Dwell on these things. Even the deepness of a canyon can be beautiful, when the sun shines on rough rock. It is difficult to complain if I am concentrating on lovely things. I can make that choice.

Be more like Christ...  "The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 145:8  ESV

Showing grace and mercy, the anger drains from me. Let it go!  Anger and bitterness kill the spirit of the one that holds on to them, and I can die from thirst if I can't find my way off the canyon floor, to the life giving water.

Being more Christ like is not easy...but, Jesus Himself said it would be worth it. So, I continue hiking out of the canyon.

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• A Word for the Weary (traskman.wordpress.com)

Hiking The Canyon

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Today, Ann Voskamp  has us posting about being Christ-centric in her Walk With Him Wednesdays.


Ouch.

How do OTHERS see Jesus in me? DO they see Jesus in me?

My hope is that they do but...

I'm not perfect. I don't always have the words to say. I lose my temper. I want my own way. I wish things were different. I complain. Not very Jesus-like, huh?

Words like FAILURE, MISTAKE, and UNWORTHY come to mind. I wear them around my neck, like ID tags. Don't you recognize me? I'm the one that is unworthy to bear the name of Christ. The woman that stumbles under the weight of her own perceptions.

How many times have I used the excuse that I am having a "bad day" to gripe at my husband, snip at my kids, or yell at the dog? I begrudgingly vacuum the rugs, clean the toilets, wash the clothes and fix the evening meal. I clean messes that I didn't make, say things I didn't mean, and make it my mission, on certain days, to not be joyful.  Thoughts run through my mind like a broken tape recorder.  On some days I feel the bitterness creep in... don't I deserve more than this?

The fissure in a soul can break wide open and leave a canyon between what is known and what is done.

Be more like Christ...   "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 NAS

Just as Christ has forgiven me. The words echo deep in the canyon... bouncing off the walls of my heart. Forgive them.

Be more like Christ...  "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."  Philippians 4:8  NAS

Dwell on these things. Even the deepness of a canyon can be beautiful, when the sun shines on rough rock. It is difficult to complain if I am concentrating on lovely things. I can make that choice.

Be more like Christ...  "The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 145:8  ESV

Showing grace and mercy, the anger drains from me. Let it go!  Anger and bitterness kill the spirit of the one that holds on to them, and I can die from thirst if I can't find my way off the canyon floor, to the life giving water.

Being more Christ like is not easy...but, Jesus Himself said it would be worth it. So, I continue hiking out of the canyon.

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• Grand Canyon and Bryce Canyon (arizonaroadtrip.wordpress.com)


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• Somewhere between the heavenly and the hellish . . . (hopeofglory.typepad.com)


• Grand Canyon day & night - Grand Canyon Village, AZ (travelpod.com)


• Blessed "Be" attitudes :: Be Merciful (thepauls.wordpress.com)


• Why is it necessary to pray for 'forgiveness of our sins' if Jesus took all our sins away from us (wiki.answers.com)


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• A Word for the Weary (traskman.wordpress.com)

God, Can I Pencil You In?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Calendars. To do lists. Schedules. Clocks.

I'm the type of personality that likes to keep things in order.

I like surprises...if it's a party. Not so much, if it's a life circumstance that I'm not ready for.

And yet...

I serve a God who is not chained to calendars or clocks.

His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts.

He does not consult my Daytimer to see if I can fit His plans into my schedule.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8 NIV

I'll be honest with you. When Bonnie, at Faith Barista, posed the question, "  What is something new God is asking you to step out in?", I wasn't sure what to write.

The truth is I've been through a lot of what most people would call "challenging" circumstances, in my life time. I'll also be completely forthright with you by saying that there are many times when I say to God, " You know Lord, I really am worn out....can't I just 'coast' for a little while? You know, nothing too good, nothing too bad...just easy. Puh-leeze?"

I'm glad that God loves me enough to not let me sit around and grow stagnant. Even if that seems okay with me, at the time.

A former pastor of mine said something that has always stuck with me. We are either in the middle of a trial, getting ready to go into a trial, or we just came out of a trial. That is life.....and he is correct.  It is usually when I'm "in the fire" that I learn something new about God...something life changing for me.

I don't know what new thing God is wanting me to step out into....at least not yet. I believe I'm in a waiting stage right now. Many times it is the waiting that grows me. The uncertainty that draws me to Him. The dependence on God, that through my weaknesses, He will be glorified.

There are a list of things I want to do. New things I'd like to try. Maybe those desires are seeds that God Himself has planted in my heart. It could be He wants to grow me for awhile longer. At times the waiting is difficult. I struggle. I'd like to schedule things into my life. But, God says no, not yet.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31  NIV

And so I wait.

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The Wonder Of It All

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

A few nights ago my son and I were out in the front yard. It was a beautiful spring evening. The sun was low in the sky, spreading it's warm rays across the yard. One of the dogs was laying in the grass, watching us as we walked down the driveway to inspect the killdeer eggs. A mama killdeer picked the edge of our driveway to make her nest. Her unborn babies are nestled into the gravels, near the grass, perfectly disguised in nature. One really has to look to see them.

As we got closer to her "hide out", she jumped up and squawked at us. She puffed her self up to show us all her feathers. It was as if she was trying to pick a fight with us. "Come and get me!" she chirped. Killdeer are interesting that way. Mama bird distracts the enemy from the nest. She gets the enemy to follow her by getting his attention, then running off and pretending her wing is damaged. "Oh, I'm hurt...why don't you try and come and eat me?" She screeches even louder. My son and I followed her to the end of the driveway. She ran out onto the road and at the last minute flew away...only to circle back around to check and make sure we were not heading back to the nest.

Living where we do, we see a lot of nature...up close and personal. Birds and their nests, geese honking, in the spring rain pond, across the road, a ground hog that has made a home in the bank next to the creek, and deer bounding across the open fields. The sun shines brightly, while the wind bows the tall grass of the fields into submission. Life is all around us. Spring time birth.

Sometimes I just have to stop and ponder the wonder of it all.

The God who sets all things in motion, who sends the rain and the wind, who created the animals, and has the sun set in space...all of nature cries out to exclaim the glory and wonder of God.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
 Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Psalm 96: 11-12 NIV

 “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the
Lord!”“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”
  Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”
  “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19: 38-40

God has done all of these things and so much more and yet He knows me. Me. He doesn't just sort of know me. He didn't create me and leave me.  He not only knows me, He longs for me to know Him...and for you to know Him too.

Let that sink in for a moment.

God, each Spring, resurrects life. He covers the hills with new, emerald green grass, wildflowers in all their beauty, nature is new again...and fresh and beautiful.

That is what He does with me too. God is intimately involved in my daily life. He breathes new life into a dry spirit, after a long, dark winter. He comforts me, much like the mama bird who defends and protects her not yet born, children. There is new, fresh joy at the knowledge of His love.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings... Psalm 17:8

I have to stop and consider the wonder of it all.

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Welcome The Weekend

Saturdays are for walks and wandering.  Wondering and pondering.

Quiet days in the midst of a busy life.  





I have stilled and quieted my soul.  Psalm 131:2

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The Waiting Game

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by urbanlegend via Flickr"][/caption]

My husband and I co-facilitate a Grief Share group at our church. It is a group that helps those who have lost a loved one, to death. Since, we have both been in that situation, we can relate to those who come to the class. This past Wednesday we discussed waiting, and what that means. Many of the things that the counselors discussed can be applied to other life situations, not just death. Anyway, this week's discussion got me to thinking...

"Instead of focusing on what I'm waiting for, I should be focusing on what I am becoming as I wait"

Many times in my life I have found myself waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to drive. Waiting for graduation. Waiting to live on my own. Waiting for a job. Waiting to get married. Waiting to have a child. Waiting to move states.  Those are "big" waitings. Sometimes the waiting is not so big, but significant nonetheless. Waiting in the check-out line at the store. Waiting for a package in the mail. Waiting to hear back from a friend.

I do a lot of waiting in life. Now, that I think about it, I probably "wait" a lot more than I "do". With that being said, it seems like I should really rethink the statement that the counselor made.

How many times have I been impatient? Wanting to move things along at MY speed? How many times have I asked (told) God to get a move on? Unfortunately, too many. It is easier to hear that God is working on me, than to actually allow it. As, I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I realize that more times than not, it is the waiting that makes me who I am....who I need to be in Him. Those are the in between periods where God does His work. Sometimes the waiting is painful, because I have a lot of junk in my life that God has to chip away at, clean up, make new. Other times God shows me Himself, in the peace before the storm. The waiting fortifies me for what lies ahead.

I used to think that waiting was useless...let's get on with it already!  I thought waiting was passive, a thumb twiddling kind of a time. How wrong I was. Waiting is work. Waiting is hard. Waiting is change and growth. Waiting is learning. Waiting is longing. It is in the waiting that endurance is cultivated.

An Olympic runner does not jump out of bed one day and try out to be on the Olympic team. She trains. She pushes. She gets injuries. She gets back up. She runs. Day after day. Weeks, months, years go by...until she is finally ready. When she goes across that finish line, she knows it is only because of the hard work she endured before, that made this moments possible...during the waiting.

The waiting, makes the ending all the more sweet.

So, when you find yourself in a waiting stage of life, remember this: God is in the waiting, and it is exciting to think about what He is going to do WITH you, and FOR you.

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Living Out What Easter Means

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live."  John 11:25

How many of us have stood over a casket, looking down at one we loved?

Tears leaking down our cheeks...already missing the one that is gone.

The body so still. The breath has ceased. The lids now closed.

Burial. In the ground. Dirt covered.

And we weep.

And yet...

Jesus' words ring out in the darkness. The darkness of hopelessness. The darkness of fear. The darkness of death.

I am the resurrection.

and the life.  Alive again. Living. Breathing. In glory.

Jesus saith unto him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." (John 14:6)

He who believes in me, though he dies,

yet shall he live. Shall live. With Him. Forever. Real. Oh, so real.

No more heart hurt, no more rampant cancer, no more diseased body, no more accidents, no more shallow breathing, no more depression, no more pain, no more poor vision, no more sickness...

No more.

Believe in Me, Jesus whispers to our souls.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him, shall have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Jesus says,

I have conquered death. I have taken your place.


It is finished. Words that echo through the ages.


How is Easter real to you? Not only on a Sunday in April...but, all year long?

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A Perfect Plan

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

I'm portraying Mary (mother of Jesus) in an Easter monologue, this weekend.

Mary had the heart of a mother, when she admitted that she did not understand the purpose of Jesus' death. She knew He was the son of God, and yet she watched Him be hung on a cross to die. To die. Her heart bled out, along with her son's. She knew He was God, but He was also her son...whom she loved. "Why, God? Why? It doesn't make sense to me!"

Today, on the way home from a short trip into town, I was practicing my lines. Her words, so much she did not understand, echo back to my own heart. So much, I do not understand. I have the blessing of knowing that death was not the end for Jesus. I am able to celebrate the resurrection that followed. At the time, right after the crucifixion, Mary did not know.....yet.

Yet.

Isn't that like so many of us? God does something in our lives...and we question Him. We shake our fists. We cry out. It's not fair! Why me? I don't understand. What is the purpose?

God in His infinite wisdom knows. Nothing comes as a surprise to Him. He is never caught off guard.

If God was small enough for me to understand Him (a woman who doesn't understand her own computer), He wouldn't be much of a God now, would He?  I cannot put God in a box.  Sometimes He does things that seem like they don't make sense...at least not to my human, finite mind. I feel very much like Mary, standing in the dark on that day, wondering why? I am grateful that God does not require my permission to complete His plan.

(Jesus) "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39  NIV

So, this Easter I will celebrate God's plan. A holy plan. A perfect plan. A plan that took His Son to the cross, to pay the price...for me. That's how much He loves you...and me. Redeemed by the blood of the lamb. The pure and blameless sacrifice...

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You Took My Place

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia The quiet moments. The times of reflection. The times of remembrance."][/caption]

The quiet moments. The moments of thought and reflection.

Sacrifice. Pain. Tears.

"Crucify Him! Crucify Him!"  The crowds of so long ago, shouted. Their voices echo through time... I cannot blame them. They were imperfect sinners. Just like me. I was in that crowd.

My sin crucified my Lord. It wasn't just "other people". It was me. My sin, put Him there. His love for me, kept Him there.

Selfishness! The slam of the hammer, as the nails pierced His flesh.

Pride! His face twisted in agony.

Resentment! The burden on His shoulders.

Bitterness! The blood dripped down.

God, forgive me. Please forgive me.

***************

You Took My Place

The thorns on your head

blood, runs red.

You hung on a Roman cross

for sin not your own,

the pain unbearable

the sounds of your groan.

You could have called angels to deliver you, free

but you stayed there...you stayed there for me.

"Father forgive her

She doesn't know!"

You saw me, you knew me

before time began,

you hung on that cross

the Savior of man.

You took the blame

You bore my shame.

Jesus my Lord, You took my place

knowing your sacrifice

your gift of grace...

Would deliver me from

death...and its dark face.

The stone rolled away

You are alive, no longer dead!

You stand victorious

Just like you said!

---Dawn Gibson 2011

Won't you join us, as we walk with Him?

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Hard Thanks...

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All the reasons to be thankful....Click on the Multitudes On Mondays graphic on my right sidebar to read more.

Dear Reader,

I'll be honest with you. I'm not feeling very thankful today.

Mondays are never my best day of the week, and today seems especially "not very thankful". I feel guilty. I struggle.

Right now I'm seeing all "the holes" in the canvas of my life.  When concentrating on the holes, the rips, the tears... I find it difficult to see the beauty. I know that is a poor attitude, you don't have to remind me. Believe me, I know.

All the things I wish were....and aren't.

All the things I want...and can't.

All the trying to measure up....and falling short.

All the dreams...dashed.

All the little things....that become BIG things.

All the words thought....but never said.

All the wishing....not coming true.

All the obstacles....not overcome.

All the life beautiful...is really broken.

We live in an imperfect world.

 

Life IS broken. Isn't that true for us all?

Aren't there days when we each wonder, the why?

When our vision is full of gray, and the colors seem dulled?

When we want so much more, but get so much less?

 

God knew we'd have days like this. Hard days. Painful days. Days of longing for something else. Something that is seemingly just out of reach. The frustration. The grieving. The seemingly unfairness of it all. He knew. He always knew.

Giving thanks through the difficult times. The broken times.  Ann Voskamp calls it the "hard eucharisteo". The giving of thanks when we are searching through the darkness. The saying "yes" to God, when we don't understand. The trusting that this hard place we are in, is not the final destination.

Ann goes on to say, "Grace + Thanks = Joy".  She's right, you know

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything. Not about life plans. Not the wondering. Not the worrying. But in everything That is a big, all encompassing word. By prayer and petition God hears us!  With thanksgiving Always thanksgiving...even when it is the hard eucharisteo. present your requests to God. He wants us to talk with Him. In the good times and the not so good times. He is there.

And on a day when it seems dark, not just because of the storm clouds, I can say thank you. I can give the thanksgiving to the One who hears me even when the words aren't spoken aloud. I am thankful.

 

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For The Love Of Words

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I admit it.

There is no doubt about it.

I can't help it.

There's no changing it.

I am a lover of words

and a confirmed bibliophile.

I so enjoy the written word. It is a part of me. I intently listen to the spoken word. It challenges me. Choosing just the right word to say...it is important to me. Words have power.

Today I woke up to gray skies and rain. The perfect day for reading, after I finish the days chores, of course. There is nothing better, than to settle into my favorite chair, with a blanket a warm drink and a good book.

I look around my house now and I see shelved books, stacked books, books on the night stand, books on the floor, cookbooks near my stove in the kitchen, antique books on display in the dining room. Sigh.

Jan Karon's Mitford Beside Companion (If I could live in any imaginary town...it would be Mitford, N.C)

The Inspirational Writings of C.S. Lewis (Great writer of apologetics)

That's My Teenage Son--How Moms Can Influence Their Boys To Become Good Men by Rick Johnson (My greatest desire is to raise godly children)

The Vintage Remedies Guide to Real Food by Jessie Hawkins (Learning to live healthier)

Rereading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts (A book that has changed my perspective and taught me what eucharisteo truly means)

My Bible. The book most important. The book that feeds me. The words from THE WORD. Life giving. Life altering. The pages are worn, filled with pen marks and colors of various highlighters. I've underlined, circled, taken notes, and added exclamation points. The words themselves that never change, but do change me.




***In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (NIV)  John 1:1 ***

 

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Are You Living In Friday?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Cover of He Lives"][/caption]

The most holy, pivotal celebration, to the life of a Christian......Easter.

On that Friday Jesus hung on a rugged, Roman cross

The Savior between two common thieves

He was mocked and insulted

The clouds darkened...

He asked His Father

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

The day was full of anguish

and pain.

He cried out

"It is finished!"

The curtain in the temple tore from top to bottom.

The earth shook.

Then He died.

That day was.... Sad. Hopeless. Bleak.

Jesus' followers did not understand. They were confused. They were grieving. They were hurting.

Wondering.

What did this mean?

What was the purpose?

Don't so many of us live in "the Friday" of our lives?  Scared. Wondering. Confused.

How is God going to work things out in our lives?

We can't see it.

We don't get it.

We won't live through it.

What is the purpose?

But Jesus did not stay in the grave.

He conquered death.

He rose again.

He appeared too many.

The glorious resurrection day changed everything.

EVERYTHING.

For all time.

FOR US

The followers had.....Hope. Joy. Peace.

Death had been conquered by the only ONE who was capable.

He took our place. He sacrificed. His blood was spilled.

And He came out of that tomb!

Jesus never left us in the darkness of the crucifixion.

Because He lives, we are brought into the

glorious resurrection morning!

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"  John 11:25 NIV

***Join us over at A Holy Experience for Walk With Him Wednesdays, where we are blogging about the walk to Easter. Click on the graphic on my right side bar.***

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Relationship Is Important

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At Faith Barista this week we are discussing the question, "How do you spend time with God and experience spiritual rest?"  Click on the Faith Barista graphic on my right side bar to find out how others experience rest.

All good relationships require communication. If I want to have a better marriage I need to spend time with my husband. We need to talk. Laugh. Cry. Be goofy.....together. If I want to maintain my friendships I have to find time to get together. Chat on the phone. Walk together. Talk together. If I want my relationship as a mother to be nurturing to my children, I need to take time to find out what is important to them. I email family and friends. We keep in touch. We reach out.  Without communication...without sharing... relationships die. Sometimes the death is long, slow and painful. Sometimes not.

I make time for the relationships that are important to me.

My relationship with God is no different. Some people would question me with, "How can you have a RELATIONSHIP with God? God is all about religion...and rules...and church."  My reply is that God, and His son, Jesus are ALL ABOUT relationship. Yes, Jesus came to this earth in the form of man BECAUSE of relationship. God wants relationship with me, not because He NEEDS too, but because He WANTS too. Even though I have been a Christian for many, many years I am still in awe of the fact that the God of the Universe wants to know me....and even more importantly He wants me to KNOW Him.

Sometimes all I need to do, to experience spiritual rest, is to talk WITH Him, the one who knows me most intimately. I commune with the One who knows my heart.

Father,

I long for peace and rest

From You, who knows me best.

I stumble through my days

turning from Your gaze.

I am full of pride

thinking I can hide

all my stress inside

far from You.

Forgive me Father.

I am so stubborn.

I need rest.

Rest for my body.

Rest for my soul.

I need You.

Thank you for your provision for me.

As I draw close to You,

You draw close to me.

And I can rest in Your love.

Amen

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A Time To Come Near

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A time for prayer

and wonder.

A time for quiet

and contemplation.

A time for praise

and song.

A time to read

and study.

A time to give

and share.

New International Version (©1984)
Come near to God and he will come near to you...James 4:8

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For A Season

Ecclesiastes 3

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens


. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I became comfortable in my life. There was a certain predictability, that brought not boredom to me, but security. I grasped hard. I wanted to hold on to what is...scared of what might be.

Fear does horrible things to a human heart.

It paralyzes. It cowers. It handicaps.

The grip of fear made me timid. It limited me.

Instead of stepping out into God's plan, in confidence, I stayed back in the shadows. Unsure.

I needed to loosen my grip...and let it go.

My husband lost his job of nearly 23 years. It was no fault of his own. That is what made the news so much more difficult. I hated the economy. I hated the company's decision, handed down my executives that didn't even know us. I hated the change that swept over us like a dark wave of the ocean...we were drowning.

My grip tightened. My knuckles were white from the death grip I had placed on my life.

NO, God! NO!

I resorted to begging. Crying. Pleading.

Fear, it is a terrible thing. It preyed on me, like a wild animal. It wanted to devour me, to destroy me.....and I was letting it.

I'm not exactly sure when the change happened. I'm sure it was months into the unemployment, my working part time substitute teaching, with the help of family and friends. Never once did we miss a bill. We finished building the house we were right in the middle of constructing, when my husband lost his job.

I realized that things did work out for us. Life was not what it had been, but we were (and are) okay.

It might not have.

God spoke to my heart. No, not in an audible voice. And no, I was not having a break down. His Word echoed over the waves of the ocean, that were crashing all around me.

God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)

God did not want me to have fear of the unknown...He wanted me to trust. Trust Him. Trust Him and let it go. Let go of the fear.

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

My security never came from things. Never from a steady paycheck. Never from money in the bank. Never from paying bills. Or being able to go out to eat on a whim. Never from knowing what each day held on the calendar.

My security was, and is, always in HIM. I had known this....but, it took a job loss...the strain.....the not knowing.....to be reminded.

Phil 4:19........."And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Mt 6:8............"your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."

Ps 34:10.........."...those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."

I continue to stumble, but I am learning to let go.....

 

This week we are discussing "Letting Go" over at, A Holy Experience. Click on the WALK WITH HIM WEDNESDAY graphic on my right side bar, to read more!

 

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Love Is A Sacrifice

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Love is a sacrifice... I wrote this note in my Bible, in the margin of the page,  next to the story of  The Good Samaritan. (Luke 10:25-) A story that Jesus gave as an example of love. A man hurt, beaten and bleeding, on the side of the road. Ignored by some. Cared for by a stranger. The stranger showed compassion and mercy to this man that he did not know.

As I looked to this story, I pondered the words of the Lord. He ends His parable referring to the actions of the good Samaritan, "Go and do likewise."

Go and do likewise. Jesus' words echo in my heart.

How many times am I like the priest or the Levite in the story? The first people to encounter the wounded stranger. The priest crossed to the other side of the road, as did the Levite. Was the sight of the man too much? Were they too busy? Did they owe this stranger their time? Could they be bothered with the ache of another?

I've known this story since childhood...but, today I looked at it with new eyes.  A story with a lesson. Relevant to today.

"He bandaged his wounds."

"He took care of him."

To the inn keeper he said, "Look after him, I will reimburse you."

This man was not too busy to slow down.  He knelt to help another...with no expectation of reward or reimbursement. We do not know (Jesus never says)  if the hurt man ever thanked the Samaritan that had helped him.

Love calls for sacrifice.


A sacrifice of time. A sacrifice of energy. A sacrifice of what I might want, for the benefit of another. Selfishness can't survive in the presence of love.

Real love for others, always requires a sacrifice of self.
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:31

" Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Luke 6:31

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Ephesians 4:2

"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19

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