God Is In The Storms

He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills.  Psalm 147:8  NIV

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God, Can I Pencil You In?

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Calendars. To do lists. Schedules. Clocks.

I'm the type of personality that likes to keep things in order.

I like surprises...if it's a party. Not so much, if it's a life circumstance that I'm not ready for.

And yet...

I serve a God who is not chained to calendars or clocks.

His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts.

He does not consult my Daytimer to see if I can fit His plans into my schedule.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8 NIV

I'll be honest with you. When Bonnie, at Faith Barista, posed the question, "  What is something new God is asking you to step out in?", I wasn't sure what to write.

The truth is I've been through a lot of what most people would call "challenging" circumstances, in my life time. I'll also be completely forthright with you by saying that there are many times when I say to God, " You know Lord, I really am worn out....can't I just 'coast' for a little while? You know, nothing too good, nothing too bad...just easy. Puh-leeze?"

I'm glad that God loves me enough to not let me sit around and grow stagnant. Even if that seems okay with me, at the time.

A former pastor of mine said something that has always stuck with me. We are either in the middle of a trial, getting ready to go into a trial, or we just came out of a trial. That is life.....and he is correct.  It is usually when I'm "in the fire" that I learn something new about God...something life changing for me.

I don't know what new thing God is wanting me to step out into....at least not yet. I believe I'm in a waiting stage right now. Many times it is the waiting that grows me. The uncertainty that draws me to Him. The dependence on God, that through my weaknesses, He will be glorified.

There are a list of things I want to do. New things I'd like to try. Maybe those desires are seeds that God Himself has planted in my heart. It could be He wants to grow me for awhile longer. At times the waiting is difficult. I struggle. I'd like to schedule things into my life. But, God says no, not yet.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31  NIV

And so I wait.

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The Wonder Of It All

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A few nights ago my son and I were out in the front yard. It was a beautiful spring evening. The sun was low in the sky, spreading it's warm rays across the yard. One of the dogs was laying in the grass, watching us as we walked down the driveway to inspect the killdeer eggs. A mama killdeer picked the edge of our driveway to make her nest. Her unborn babies are nestled into the gravels, near the grass, perfectly disguised in nature. One really has to look to see them.

As we got closer to her "hide out", she jumped up and squawked at us. She puffed her self up to show us all her feathers. It was as if she was trying to pick a fight with us. "Come and get me!" she chirped. Killdeer are interesting that way. Mama bird distracts the enemy from the nest. She gets the enemy to follow her by getting his attention, then running off and pretending her wing is damaged. "Oh, I'm hurt...why don't you try and come and eat me?" She screeches even louder. My son and I followed her to the end of the driveway. She ran out onto the road and at the last minute flew away...only to circle back around to check and make sure we were not heading back to the nest.

Living where we do, we see a lot of nature...up close and personal. Birds and their nests, geese honking, in the spring rain pond, across the road, a ground hog that has made a home in the bank next to the creek, and deer bounding across the open fields. The sun shines brightly, while the wind bows the tall grass of the fields into submission. Life is all around us. Spring time birth.

Sometimes I just have to stop and ponder the wonder of it all.

The God who sets all things in motion, who sends the rain and the wind, who created the animals, and has the sun set in space...all of nature cries out to exclaim the glory and wonder of God.

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
 Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Psalm 96: 11-12 NIV

 “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the
Lord!”“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”
  Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”
  “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19: 38-40

God has done all of these things and so much more and yet He knows me. Me. He doesn't just sort of know me. He didn't create me and leave me.  He not only knows me, He longs for me to know Him...and for you to know Him too.

Let that sink in for a moment.

God, each Spring, resurrects life. He covers the hills with new, emerald green grass, wildflowers in all their beauty, nature is new again...and fresh and beautiful.

That is what He does with me too. God is intimately involved in my daily life. He breathes new life into a dry spirit, after a long, dark winter. He comforts me, much like the mama bird who defends and protects her not yet born, children. There is new, fresh joy at the knowledge of His love.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings... Psalm 17:8

I have to stop and consider the wonder of it all.

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The Day Death Died

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It did not end with Jesus in the grave. The tomb could not hold him. Death could not conquer him. On the third day he arose! Just like he said he would.

A favorite hymn of Easter....

LOW IN THE GRAVE HE LAY

1. Low in the grave He lay,
   Jesus my Savior,
   Waiting the coming day,
   Jesus my Lord!
   
   
   
   • Refrain:
     Up from the grave He arose,
     With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,
     He arose a Victor from the dark domain,
     And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.
     He arose! He arose!
     Hallelujah! Christ arose!
   
   
   
   


2. Vainly they watch His bed,
   Jesus my Savior;
   Vainly they seal the dead,
   Jesus my Lord!


3. Death cannot keep its Prey,
   Jesus my Savior;
   He tore the bars away,
   Jesus my Lord!

Robert Lowry, 1874

1 Peter 1:18-20 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. (NIV)

Matthew 28:7   "Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

HE HAS RISEN!  HE HAS RISEN INDEED!

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For A Season

Ecclesiastes 3

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens


. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I became comfortable in my life. There was a certain predictability, that brought not boredom to me, but security. I grasped hard. I wanted to hold on to what is...scared of what might be.

Fear does horrible things to a human heart.

It paralyzes. It cowers. It handicaps.

The grip of fear made me timid. It limited me.

Instead of stepping out into God's plan, in confidence, I stayed back in the shadows. Unsure.

I needed to loosen my grip...and let it go.

My husband lost his job of nearly 23 years. It was no fault of his own. That is what made the news so much more difficult. I hated the economy. I hated the company's decision, handed down my executives that didn't even know us. I hated the change that swept over us like a dark wave of the ocean...we were drowning.

My grip tightened. My knuckles were white from the death grip I had placed on my life.

NO, God! NO!

I resorted to begging. Crying. Pleading.

Fear, it is a terrible thing. It preyed on me, like a wild animal. It wanted to devour me, to destroy me.....and I was letting it.

I'm not exactly sure when the change happened. I'm sure it was months into the unemployment, my working part time substitute teaching, with the help of family and friends. Never once did we miss a bill. We finished building the house we were right in the middle of constructing, when my husband lost his job.

I realized that things did work out for us. Life was not what it had been, but we were (and are) okay.

It might not have.

God spoke to my heart. No, not in an audible voice. And no, I was not having a break down. His Word echoed over the waves of the ocean, that were crashing all around me.

God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)

God did not want me to have fear of the unknown...He wanted me to trust. Trust Him. Trust Him and let it go. Let go of the fear.

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

My security never came from things. Never from a steady paycheck. Never from money in the bank. Never from paying bills. Or being able to go out to eat on a whim. Never from knowing what each day held on the calendar.

My security was, and is, always in HIM. I had known this....but, it took a job loss...the strain.....the not knowing.....to be reminded.

Phil 4:19........."And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Mt 6:8............"your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."

Ps 34:10.........."...those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."

I continue to stumble, but I am learning to let go.....

 

This week we are discussing "Letting Go" over at, A Holy Experience. Click on the WALK WITH HIM WEDNESDAY graphic on my right side bar, to read more!

 

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Love Is A Sacrifice

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Love is a sacrifice... I wrote this note in my Bible, in the margin of the page,  next to the story of  The Good Samaritan. (Luke 10:25-) A story that Jesus gave as an example of love. A man hurt, beaten and bleeding, on the side of the road. Ignored by some. Cared for by a stranger. The stranger showed compassion and mercy to this man that he did not know.

As I looked to this story, I pondered the words of the Lord. He ends His parable referring to the actions of the good Samaritan, "Go and do likewise."

Go and do likewise. Jesus' words echo in my heart.

How many times am I like the priest or the Levite in the story? The first people to encounter the wounded stranger. The priest crossed to the other side of the road, as did the Levite. Was the sight of the man too much? Were they too busy? Did they owe this stranger their time? Could they be bothered with the ache of another?

I've known this story since childhood...but, today I looked at it with new eyes.  A story with a lesson. Relevant to today.

"He bandaged his wounds."

"He took care of him."

To the inn keeper he said, "Look after him, I will reimburse you."

This man was not too busy to slow down.  He knelt to help another...with no expectation of reward or reimbursement. We do not know (Jesus never says)  if the hurt man ever thanked the Samaritan that had helped him.

Love calls for sacrifice.


A sacrifice of time. A sacrifice of energy. A sacrifice of what I might want, for the benefit of another. Selfishness can't survive in the presence of love.

Real love for others, always requires a sacrifice of self.
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:31

" Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Luke 6:31

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Ephesians 4:2

"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19

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Just Plain Weary

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There are days when I am beyond tired.

I'm not just sleepy. I don't need a nap.

My spirit is sagging. I am worn down and run ragged.

The race is long and the finish line is no where in sight.

I'm about to give up... or give in.

I am soul weary.

My weariness drives me to the only One who can give me the rest that I yearn for.

The One whose words are true.

The One who walks with me...and on days when I am too weary to walk on my own,

carries me.

Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ----- My shelter.

Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ---   My renewal.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. --- My peace.

This month we are talking about rest over at Faith Barista. Click on the Faith Barista Jam graphic on my right sidebar to find out more.

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Letting Go

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This week, we are discussing "letting go". (Click on the Walk With Him Wednesdays/One Thousand Gifts on my right sidebar if you want to read more.)

Letting Go...

So hard for me. I struggle. I cry. I'm stubborn. It hurts.

I hold on until my hands ache. My muscles spasm. I can hardly breathe.

NO, GOD!!!

My grandmother laid in her bed. Family gathered around. We knew her time was short. She was ready to go home, but only days away from being 20 years old, I didn't want to let her go. The memories washed over me, salty tears coursed down my face. I watched, sadly, as the funeral worker came to the house to take her away. She was buried on my birthday. The day I turned 20. The day I told her goodbye.

In November of 2000, the hospital lights glared as I stood over my husband's bed. The nurse asked me if I wanted my husband's wedding ring? And did I want to say a final goodbye to him before they took him away? My pastor friend was there. A friend from Sunday School. I explained to my 5 year old son that Daddy was with God now, and he wasn't coming back.

I got the call early, before I left for work. It was a chilly March morning, that day in 2002. My aunt's voice carried hundreds of miles across the phone line. "Dawn, I called you first. Will you call your sister? Your father is dead. He took his own life."  The air sucked out of my lungs. "What?!" My brain was numb as I attempted to process what she had just told me.  My dad left....and he didn't even say goodbye.

I got a call from my husband, Scott, in January 2009. We had been married for just a tad over 3 years. Scott had a good job (he worked remotely) with a company that he had been with for 22 years. We were in the process of building a house out of state. Exciting times.....until that fateful phone call. His company was letting him go. No fault of his own. Economy. Since he worked remotely, he couldn't be put in a new position. I was trying to process the news....we were a single income family, we were in the middle of building a house, what were we going to do?!  I had to say goodbye to the life that I had known.

Letting go. Saying goodbye. Starting over.

My knuckles were white from the grasping hard.

And yet... it is when I let go, give up, release, that I can watch God in action. When I stop wrestling with Him for control, I can see Him at work.

When I stop saying "me", and start saying "YOU", I give Him glory.

Letting go is not easy. Humanly speaking, I don't know if it ever is. But, it is only when I let go and rest in Him that I fully begin to understand who God  is.

Psalm 34 ...4.I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.....8. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. 17. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

God is good. All the time. Even when we have to let go.

 

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Time Out

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As a former elementary, special education teacher and at one point a mom of a young son (who is now a teen) I know about time out. I could always tell when a child needed a time out. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing.... most times the child just needed some time away. Time to sit in the beanbag chair and stare out the window. Time to lay down and close one's eyes. Time to breathe. Time to rest.

Why is it always easier to tell when someone else needs a time out to rest and regroup? When it comes to myself, I am terrible about this. Sigh.

I thought when I remarried, after five years of widowhood, that it would be easier. I was going to be able to stay home, home school the children of my now blended family, do the daily household tasks and still have time to rest. Uh huh. What world was I living in? Certainly not reality.

Rest. What is that?

And yet, rest it is something that I crave. I want. I need.

Jesus knows this. He says to each of us, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

If you are anything like me, you have been led to believe that resting is nonproductive. I could be accomplishing something, instead of resting. I have a mountain of laundry to get done, I need to get the dishes out of the dishwasher, my son needs help with Algebra, my daughter needs to complete her history report, the dog needs brushed, the carpet needs vacuumed, I have a blog to finish and what in the world am I fixing for dinner?!

Rest.

I live in a beautiful part of the country. In 2009 my husband and I moved our family to rural Ohio. He works remotely so we could pick anywhere to live. We picked the country. My favorite place is our front porch. I love to settle down in the Adirondack chair and look down our driveway and across the road. Our neighbors have llamas and I enjoy watching them graze. The baby llamas look like huge, fluffy cotton balls. I can see deer in the field that is diagonal from our property. There is a bright red barn in the distance. The sun blazes across the horizon on that end of the house...and in the evening the sky turns shades of purple and blue. I hear the train whistle in the distance and I hear a dog's muffled bark.

Time slows for me. I breathe deeply.

Rest. Renewal.

Time alone. Time with God. Time to rest in Him.

As I look down our country road this verse comes to my mind....

Jeremiah 6:16  This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

Join me over at The Faith Barista Jam. (Click on the link on the right side of my page) This month we are talking about rest. Don't we all need that?

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So Many Times, I Am A Brick

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If you noticed my post from yesterday, you saw that I was frustrated and angry over losing my hard work. I was not enjoying my lap top. At all.

I look back at the incident and have to laugh. My post from yesterday was going to be on perspective. Isn't that funny? I thought I could write something worthwhile on perspective, and when I lost my post to cyberspace... I lost my temper. Not a very good perspective, huh?

I have a feeling I am not the only one that has those type of moments.

I wish I had it all together. Oh, how I wish! But...I don't. I admit it.

I am trying to work on perspective. Two steps forward and one step back. That is the way it always seems to work out. Life is all about the lessons, isn't it? What does God want me to learn today? Am I malleable in the Potter's hand? Or am I stubborn and hard like a brick? Can he gently smooth  my rough edges, or does He need to hammer away at me, until I soften?

Sigh. So many times I am a brick.

I am so grateful that God is patient with me. He is compassionate to me and forgives me, my human frailties.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

 

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Cold Beauty

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Yes. This winter seems unending. It has been cold and chaotic since the first snow fell on December 1.

And yet...as I stand at my kitchen window, I am amazed at the beauty of it all.

I quietly sigh. I stare upward.

White gray.

Snow blowing every which way. A blur of flakes.

Each one different. Unusual.

The scene before me resembles a snow globe that has been shook hard.

A flake frenzy.

Cold beauty.

Dogs with snowy fur.

Schools closed.

Gray sky filled with flakes.

The roar of wind.

I feel the need to snap a picture. To remember.

To pull out on the hot, sticky days of late July.

A cool memory to ease the pain of the heat.

Lord, I am thankful for this day you have given me.

And for the eyes wide open...to see your gift to me.

 

 

 

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I Forgive You

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Today's blog topic at the Faith Barista Jam is forgiveness.

Ouch.

I don't know about this.

Forgiveness is difficult. Especially, when it is I that have been wronged.

Especially, when I didn't deserve what I got.

I was left hurt. Bruised. Confused. Broken.

How does one forgive through the pain?

Even when the wrong doer doesn't care about the pain he/she caused....

The sleepless nights.....

The actions that played in my head like a never ending movie reel...

I was a prisoner in my own unforgiveness.

It wasn't pleasant. I didn't enjoy it. But, I couldn't let it go.

I didn't know how.

Until......

God showed me.

It didn't happen all at once.

It was work.

I still work at it.

I've learned that forgiveness is a gift.

Not just to the forgiven....but, to the one forgiving.

A gift of peace.

How can I not forgive others, when Christ has so richly forgiven me?

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

(Colossians 3:13)

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A Moment Of Clarity

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Waiting is hard.

I want to DO something. I want to BE something. I want to SEE the plan.

At times I feel confined. Restrained. Broken...from the waiting. Frustrations seem more than I can handle at times.

I long to know the plan. I want to see what is around the bend.  Get all the tools I need. Be prepared.

Waiting is a struggle for me. In my journal I highlighted these words from a man who understands waiting. Charles Swindoll once said, "Lord, this is your battle. This is your need you've allowed me to trust you for...and I'm waiting for You to do it. I'm waiting for as long as necessary for You to do the impossible."  I contemplate this man's words.

Waiting is not passive. It is difficult. It takes a great deal of my effort to remain still, to trust, to obey. I am not too proud to admit that there have been times in my life, that I've argued with God. Times that I have asked, "Why?!" , "Why me?!", "What good will come from this?" or " Lord, I want this so badly, why won't you allow it?" Arguing with God is exhausting.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8  NIV) And if I'm honest with myself, do I really want a God that I completely understand? That I would understand all His "why's" ? That I could keep in a small box?  I have trouble understanding tax codes, how to drive a stick shift, or work my MP3 player. If I could understand God, wouldn't that make Him small?

The questions of my heart rise to the surface and I am forced to consider what I really believe. About myself, and more importantly about God.

God, do you really love me? Do you care? Didn't you create me for something greater than this?

The answer is a resounding YES to all three questions.

Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (1 John 4:10 KJV)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7 NIV)

So, I wait.

Father, please give me the grace to wait patiently on You.

 

 

 

 

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They Are Precious In His Sight

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The homeless man on the street---the one holding the sign that says he will work for food..... He does need food. Everyone needs to eat. To survive. Even more than food he  needs to know Jesus. Not a pious "Jesus" that throws him some crumbs. Not a "Jesus" that tells him to move off the corner because he's making the street look dirty. Not a "Jesus" that looks the other way, because the homeless guy makes him uncomfortable. This man hurts physically from lack of shelter and food. He hurts spiritually because he wonders if this is all there is for him? All he deserves?  He needs to meet the REAL Jesus.

The business man in the expensive Italian suit needs Jesus too. He needs the "Jesus" that will accept him. The "Jesus" that knows he's not perfect but loves him anyway. He needs the "Jesus" that doesn't expect him to work so hard for things...that life becomes meaningless. This man is handsome, and intelligent. He smiles...but, inside he is unsure. Balancing precariously on the line between great and never good enough. He's afraid he is going to lose his balance. Afraid that this is all there is in life. He longs for more than the flashy car and the empty apartment. This man needs to meet the REAL Jesus.

The married couple that believe that this life is all there is. They are not sure if there really is a Jesus. And if there is, they aren't sure they need him. They are self sufficient. Life is fun.....until it isn't. Until something happens. Then they wonder....what about this Jesus? Is he real? And does he care? And if he does, why? They are scared to face this unknown. They think maybe if they fill their lives with stuff, they can forget the doubts that creep into their thoughts when the music has stopped...and it is quiet.  They need to meet the REAL Jesus.

The woman that stares at her reflection in the mirror with self-loathing. She realizes that she will never be tall, and slender and have perfect skin. Her reality is what she looks at in the mirror every day. She pinches and pokes at her flesh with merciless fingers. She longs for beauty, but sees none of it in herself. Sometimes she wants to die. It would be easier that way. She doesn't understand that she is beautiful in Jesus' eyes. She needs to know the REAL Jesus.

The young man that is the star athlete. The one all the colleges want. The pride of his hometown. He has the world before him, and yet he is unsure and scared. When one is put on a pedestal it is so easy to fall. He worries that people will find out that he isn't perfect.  This boy needs to know the REAL Jesus.

The world is full of people that need to know the real Jesus. The young child, the rebellious teen, the scholar, the athlete, the mom, the dad, the business man, the young woman, the homeless, the prostitute, the dancer, the computer geek, the friend, and even the enemy. They all need Him.

The REAL Jesus is not the church building, though the church is made of people that should be the body of Christ. The REAL Jesus isn't the pastor, minister, priest, or elder, though this person should have the mind and heart of Christ.  The REAL Jesus isn't a charity or mission, though these groups should be the hands and feet of Christ. Since we live in an imperfect world...sometimes these groups, buildings, people are mistaken for Jesus.

The REAL Jesus is so much more than that. He is the Anointed One, Son of God, King of the Ages, Light of the World, Lord, Sure Foundation, The Most Holy, Wonderful Counselor, the Ransom for All Men.....and Salvation for mankind.

Jesus came that we might have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10) He and he alone is the One that sees us as we really are. We are all imperfect. We fail. We are fake. We lie. We regret. We say things we shouldn't and don't say things we should. The conversations that we have with ourselves are things we wouldn't dare share with another. As much as we might long to do the right thing, we are pulled into doing the very things that make us want to kick ourselves.

That is why Jesus came.

Romans 5:6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

---

Romans 5:7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

---

Romans 8:39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Being The Hands And Feet Of Jesus

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As a Christian it is important to not only "talk the talk" but, "walk the walk". Sadly, there are people who call themselves Christians, who have alienated those around them. They religiously do the "ritual" but, totally miss the relationship. This quote is funny and unfortunately so true, "Going to church and sitting in a pew doesn't make you a Christian...anymore than going and sitting in your garage makes you a car."  If someone is truly a Christian, he/she carries the name of Christ in that name. I know I am not perfect, but it is my desire, and what I strive for...to be more like Jesus.

In a world full of people who are in need, in pain, questioning and searching---I can be the "hands and feet" of Christ. I can reach out to others in love. Not because I am perfect. I am the farthest thing from perfect. Really. Not for self gratification or personal glory, nor fame or fortune. Only because God is good. That He would choose to use me, even in a small way is both humbling and extraordinary.

"Come you who are blessed by my Father....for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." ....."I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."  (Matthew 25:31-46)

Read those verses again. They are profound.

It is not easy. I'm not saying it is. I tend towards selfishness. Most of us do. It's easier to look the other way, than to see the scruffy guy on the street who hasn't bathed in weeks. It's too painful to watch the dying. Holding a hand is hard when the body is riddled with cancer, or one has to look  into the eyes of an Alzheimer's patient. The guy sitting in prison deserves it. He did bad things. He doesn't deserve visits. He should rot. Right? Our human nature is repelled by these situations.

And yet..... What would Jesus do? What am I called to do because I carry His name with me?  He told me what He expects. Whatever I do to those that are helpless, poor, widowed, orphaned, hurt, destroyed, hardened, and heartbroken....I have done it to HIM.

Forgive me Lord. I fail so many times.  Help me to have YOUR eyes. To see others as YOU see them.

Help me to be more like YOU.

 

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Journaling About Life

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On Wednesday, June 1, 2005 I wrote this in my journal:

(I am sure I copied this from something but, I'm not sure where I got it from.)

It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we mistake panic for inspiration.

God's Spirit continually reveals what human nature is like apart from His grace.

I am a "keeper of the journal". I always have been. I'm a writer in my heart. I've written my thoughts---and when inspired---the thoughts of others in my journals. I think the earliest journals I have are of the secrets of an 11 year old. I smile when I look back at the Dawn of yesteryear. In my adult years my journals have been a great source of peace for me. Many of my journal entries have turned into prayers. They have become my conversations with God. As I look back I realize that God, Himself ,has chosen to talk with me through my journals too. And yes, God does talk through the written Word. He has given us His own journal, of sorts. He tells us about Himself, His character and actions. He tells us how He interacted in this world, and what is to come.  His journal is called the Bible.

Many times in my journal entries I will write down scripture references that pertain to where I am at in my life at that time. I will copy snippets of pastor's sermons, or something I've read in an inspirational book. As I look back through my journals I am acutely aware of how God has chosen to work in my life. It is laid out before me like a map of words.  Even though I will probably never be famous, and my name will never be in lights... I'll most likely never travel to exotic ports, or invent  the newest electronic gadget, I still have had a good life. Not always an easy life...but a good one.

When reading my "life map" I realize that God was with me when, as a fresh faced, just out of college, young adult, I was searching for a job. Through a course of events, over miles, and across state lines He brought me to a tiny town in the Appalachian mountains to teach. I would have never found this place on my own. God's hand print was all over it. I wrote in my journal....." God, You know I want to teach. I believe You want me to teach. Doors to job opportunities, here in my home state, are closing. I'm giving my job situation over to You. I'll go where ever you want me."

When I found out that I was pregnant. What joy! I started journaling about it right away. Before my son even took his first breath, before he was fully formed, I took the opportunity to journal to him about how much he was loved. I thanked God and recognized that He knew my son even before I did. " I knit you together in your mother's womb....I know all your days before one of them even comes to be."

Or when at the age of 32 I was forced to walk "through the valley of the shadow of death". My late husband died just three weeks after his 34th birthday. In my journal I poured out my heart. There were days that all I could do was cry to Him. He replied with, " I am a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows."  If God is my defender....well, that is saying a lot. God gave me opportunities even in widowhood. No, I have to be honest, this wasn't the road that I had planned for myself. Still, whatever road I found myself on God was already there.  There was peace in that.

I journaled/prayed my way into my new marriage. As I wrote I asked God to please not allow any man to be in my path that was not part of His plan. I didn't want anything to do with any man that would cause me heartache or pain.   There were nights when I was lonely. There were nights when I wanted to give in. God heard me. I wrote prayers, pouring out my heart to Him. He chose to have me in widowhood for five years before bringing Scott into my life.

Scott and I have been through a lot in our 4 years of marriage. Selling houses, building a new house, home schooling, moving out of state, making new friends, finding a new church, raising three children in a blended family, plus adult children. At times it is stressful. And frustrating.And happy. And crazy.  Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my time running around trying to get things done----and wondering if I am making any real difference. I recently wrote in my journal: "So many times I feel like Martha. Distracted by all she had to get done. (Luke 10:38-42) Things having to get done because no one else will do it!  Lord, You told Martha that Mary chose what was better--to be with You.   Help me Lord, to get proper perspective."

I have had people tell me that they could never journal or blog like I do. They'd be scared to "put it out there" for others to read. I know that God has given me a love of words. Sounds weird to think of that as a gift or talent, huh? I hope my journals are read by my children and grandchildren and their children one day. I hope that recording my personal walk will help them to not only understand me better, but more importantly to understand and know the Lord that I have a relationship with. I have many people that read my blog, from countries around the world. I have no idea whose life I am touching with my words.....but, if just one thing I write makes a difference than it is worth it.

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