Where Your Heart Is...

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."- Jesus (Luke 12:34)

The heart.

Not just the vessel that pumps our life blood, but the heart of our very being...

Who you are

What you desire

How you live

All of you.

For without the heart we are nothing.

Love, passion, life...

What am I passionate about? And you?

My treasure--where is it stored?

Seeking His kingdom with all my heart.

My passion. My life blood.

My treasure.

 

Luke 12: 22-34

 

 

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Sleep Deprivation

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The past couple of nights I haven't slept very well. Last night was the worst. Wide awake at 3:30 a.m. Man, that stinks. I rolled over trying a different sleep position. No success. I fluffed my pillows. Nothing. I rolled back over and readjusted my blankets. Zilch. I was getting a bit miffed. If I can't sleep, I desperately try not to wake my husband. He has trouble sleeping anyway, and once he is awake the TV comes on. I hate the TV on when I'm trying to sleep.

He woke up.

Sleep....sleep......why can't I sleep? Now, the TV is on, and I had to get up to use the bathroom. Why couldn't I have a bigger bladder? I had to turn the light on in the bathroom. Which doesn't help the go back to sleep thing. I feel compelled to turn on the light at night ever since I had the rodent visitor scurry past my feet while I was sitting on the toilet a few months ago. I'm still scarred.

So, I woke up this morning and was not in a good mood. I looked like something the cat dragged home....and felt like it too. To add to my torture, my husband woke up happy and told me he loved me and told me good morning with a big smile on his face. I'm surprised I didn't scare him. He is a brave man. He is still in a good mood. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM???? To add to my already festive spirit...the Christmas tree lights aren't lighting, and my computer was "not responding". It froze up in the middle of my blogging. NOT GOOD.

Maybe I'll go outside on the front porch and scream. The only ones that will hear me are the llamas across the road...and they already know I'm crazy.

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Asking 'Why' Is Normal

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I have a lot of family and friends that are dealing with illness themselves, or illnesses of those they love. Some of the loved ones have had tests come back, with news that is not very encouraging. Some of them are having to learn to live with a chronic condition, others know they are dying. Friends and family members are having to learn about scary medical terms, and medical diagnoses that they can't really get their mind around. Scared. Angry. Sad. Confused. Accepting. Forgiving. Frightened. Heartbroken. Encouraged.

Many times people ask ,"why"? Why me? Why my husband? Why my wife? Why my child? Why cancer? Or an incurable heart disease? Or Alzheimer's? Or Cystic Fibrosis? Or a myriad number of other medical conditions that change the lives of the ones that have them, as well as those that love them.

Why is a huge question. If I had the answer to that, I would be a much sought after woman. Sometimes I blog about funny things, or controversial things, and sometimes I blog about things that make others sad. Sometimes I just feel led to blog about a certain thing, something that is on my heart. But, I don't have the answer to, why.

I have mentioned in previous blog entries that my husband and I co-facilitate a GriefShare group. The group is for those that have lost someone close to them. This last group meeting was about the question, why. I learned some new things last week, or at least was reminded of them. I want to share some things with you. I never know who is touched by what I have to say, or whether the things I mention help anyone....but, if I say even one thing that does answer a question, touches a heart, turns a soul toward God, or gives some reassurance...then it is worth it.

1. We are all terminal patients in this life.

2. Everyone is going to die...it's just that most of us aren't forced to think about it.

3. "When you ask 'why',  you are in essence validating your own humanness and realizing you are not in control." ---Dr. Tim Clinton

4. There are questions that we have in this life, that will not be answered this side of Heaven.

5. My finite mind cannot understand an infinite God. If I could understand all His reasons,could understand why He allows the things He does, that would make Him a very small god.

6. Knowing 'why' wouldn't make the hurt any less.

7. God reveals enough.

8. Attitude might not change your circumstances, but it does change YOU.

9. We are each on a journey. Some journeys are longer than others. Some have more struggles than others.

10. Everyone is going through something. Sometimes others can see it. Sometimes not.

11. Life is like a tapestry. God can see the beautiful story that he is stitching together from His perspective in Heaven. Down here on earth we can only see the "ugly" side of the tapestry. We see the knots and strings, the stops and starts, the new threads...on the underside of the tapestry. It doesn't make sense to us...because we can't see how we each fit into the picture. But God knows. He knows what He is doing.

12. It is good to feel a part of something bigger than yourself.

13. Illness and death are scary for everyone involved.

14. Being scared or angry is normal.

15. You don't have to stay scared and angry.

16. It is a choice.

17. I wish I could hug everyone that is in pain.

18. And cry with them.

19. Tears are cleansing.

20. Jesus loves us. He understands grief. When His friend Lazarus died, the Bible tells us that Jesus wept.

21. Jesus understands pain.

22. His love caused Him to lay down His own life for us.

23. He loves each of us that much.

24. Pain is not because God hates you.

25. He has not forgotten you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Don't Underestimate Me

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One should never underestimate a woman with a bad case of arachnophobia.

I got home today and there were at least 50 brown spiders crawling around the door to the laundry room. The door off the deck to my bedroom. Hanging on the window screens, crawling on the siding.... I freaked out. It was like a bad scene from the movie ARACHNOPHOBIA.

1. I decided this weather was making the spiders want to come inside.

2. Uh....I don't think so.

3. After getting a stick and flicking the spiders off from around the door....

4. I ran inside, hoping nothing with eight legs would drop on my head.

5. And give me a heart attack.

6. Right there at the laundry room door.

7. Not the way I plan on going.

8. So, I looked around the laundry room shelves.

9. Ah ha!

10. A can of Raid.

11. If it could work on flies and ants, by georgy it would work on spiders.

12. Poison is poison.

13. And those suckers were GOING DOWN.

14. It sort of scares me, the glee I had at coating the spiders in the spray.

15. And watching them shrivel up.

16. After a valiant attempt at crawling...

17. And trying to get the heck out of dodge.

18. My maniacal laughter ringing in their ears.

19. Do spiders have ears?

20. Just curious.

21. So anyway, I blasted them.

22. Every one I could find.

23. Big, small, brown, black...whatever.

24. I took no prisoners.

25. That's what they get.

Let it be a lesson to all critters...never underestimate a woman with a big can of Raid.

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Active-On

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Those of you that follow me, know that I've pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve or some other such painful thing that only I could manage to do to my poor back. Whatever.

1. Today I bought some Active-On at Walmart.

2.I was given the instruction to get some from my Mom and Aunt.

3. So I did.

4. 'Cause I listen to my Mom.

5. Most of the time.

6. Even if I am 42.

7. My shoulder feels like it is about to fall off.

8. That would be totally gross...and painful.

9. Having a hurt back/shoulder/left arm does have its perks.

10. It has left me fairly incapacitated and therefore unable to cook, clean, or do laundry.

11. I will pay the price for that later, I am sure.

12. Because I have teenagers and all they think about is food...they had the gall to ask what was for dinner?

13. I pointed at my left arm that I dragged on the floor behind me.

14. I told them I could not cook with only my right hand.

15. It is impossible.

16. And might cause possible fire damage in the kitchen.

17. Or break a few of the rules of the health code.

18. Not that I don't do those sort of things on a normal day.

19. Did I just say, normal?

20. What is that?

21. My sons are currently watching a movie in the living room.

22. They are quiet and fairly contained.

23. So, I'm thinkin' peace for about 2 hours, give or take.

24. This leaves me time to drink my green tea and watch NCIS reruns.

25. After all I have my priorities.

26. One of them being Mark Harmon.

27. My husband is working on a project in his office.

28. I hear the drill and some banging.

29. He is cutting into my being able to hear "Jethro". Puh-leeze.

30. It's quiet now. I need to go investigate.

I'm At Critical Mass

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I'm sitting here in bed with my laptop propped on my knees. Yes, it's a Monday morning and yes, I have a list of things to do...and yet, here I am. I am sick. I've had the crud for the past 3 days,which by the way totally ruined my weekend. I am now at stage 3 of my cold. I am at the "sneeze until you have no brains left"  critical mass, stage. I have a pile of tissues on my night stand along with throat lozenges and other sundry types of medication. Gross, right? My big scientific question of the day is this---How in the world can so much snot get in one's head? Really. Seriously. I'm sick of snot.  My nose is raw....not my most attractive look.

Last night I probably slept all of about 2 hours. The rest of the time I coughed. And coughed some more. Oh yeah, and a little  more coughing in there for good measure. You get the picture. The more I wanted to sleep, the more I couldn't because my throat was dry and I coughed so hard I thought for sure I'd see my lung laying beside me. So, my throat is dry and my head is full of snot. This is just a cruel joke. To make it even worse, my sweet husband was sleeping like a rock. So unfair. I watched him sleep for awhile...just for my own amusement. I thought about giving him subliminal messages in his sleep about what a wonderful wife he has......see what happens when I'm awake in the middle of the night....and bored?

Since I was already awake at 3:15 am I thought, "well, I'll just go to the bathroom"....you know for something to do. On the way to my destination I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I scared myself. All I have to say is I have a renewed respect for my dear husband. He still loves me even when I look like THAT. Just sayin'.

My boys had this yuck last week. I'm sure it was they that infected me with the crud. It's all their fault. I think I will sneeze on them today as retribution. Or cough on their lunch. Or something to make myself feel better. At least all my kids are teens. It's not like I HAVE to get up and do anything for them. They can forage for themselves. Or starve. The choice is theirs.

When Mom is sick....the whole house suffers. It's the law of nature. I'm sure I read that somewhere.

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