Perfectionism Is Poison

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

The cake fell flat.

The cat puked.

Ants have migrated to the kitchen.

The flower bed is...well, a mess.

I didn't get enough rest last night.

I need a haircut.

The kids didn't finish their school work.

I didn't read my devotional today.

That thing that happened really annoyed me.

My nerves are frayed.

And I'm still waiting for my 21 year old body to return...any day now.

I hear the hiss in my ear.

I want the perfect life. I strive for the perfect life.

I fail at the perfect life. Big sigh.

I gripe at times. I hold onto resentment. I long for more.

I play out in my own mind what I think should happen. How life should be.

Perfectionism is the poisonous venom of a serpent.

I've been bit, and it stings.The wound is raw... and painful.

The realization hits me. Again. This life will never be perfect.

And yet, I still search.

What is wrong with me? I wish I could just let it go. Be happy with the way things are.

Wouldn't life be easier if I didn't care about pet fur, and folding laundry? If everyone would follow the schedule, and pick up after themselves? If I had a new vehicle and a snappy wardrobe? If I looked like I did when I was younger and had more energy?

Each day I do battle with perfectionism.

The fangs sink deeper into my flesh.

I need to break free from the bondage of perfectionism. It really is bondage, pure and simple.

The fear of not being perfect, is really the fear of not measuring up to (impossible) standards.

God did not give me the the spirit of fear. His desire is not for me to be a frustrated perfectionist.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."  2 Timothy 1:7  NIV

He loves me. Imperfections and all.

*********************

Keeping it real, in our jam about perfectionism. Won't you join us?

Related articles

• Breaking Perfectionism (andrewhitmire.wordpress.com)


• Taming Perfectionism (defmacro.org)


• Perfectionism and OCD (brighthub.com)


• Perfectionism Can Be Harmful to Your Health (fitsugar.com)


• Is Perfection even desirable? (psychologytoday.com)


• Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect. (edition.cnn.com)


• A Summer Cake: Pineapple Cake (organizedsahm.wordpress.com)


• Watermelon Cake (zurmat.com)


• Chocolate Cake with Coffee Frosting (and a Secret) (savorysaltysweet.com)

Welcome The Weekend

Saturdays are for walks and wandering.  Wondering and pondering.

Quiet days in the midst of a busy life.  





I have stilled and quieted my soul.  Psalm 131:2

Related articles

• Weekend Pass-Free at Last (grumpajoesplace.com)


• Weekend Preview: LA Weekend Preview: Hey Ma, You Want Brunch Too? (pinkbananaworld.com)


• What Did You Play This Weekend? (rockpapershotgun.com)


• Liz McLarnon on her dream weekend.. getting dolled up for a night on the tiles (mirror.co.uk)


• Favorites - Be Still (countingmyblessings.typepad.com)


• Watch a Weekend of Season Finales on DISH Network from 'Brothers and Sisters' to 'Fringe' (dishtvblog.com)

The Waiting Game

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by urbanlegend via Flickr"][/caption]

My husband and I co-facilitate a Grief Share group at our church. It is a group that helps those who have lost a loved one, to death. Since, we have both been in that situation, we can relate to those who come to the class. This past Wednesday we discussed waiting, and what that means. Many of the things that the counselors discussed can be applied to other life situations, not just death. Anyway, this week's discussion got me to thinking...

"Instead of focusing on what I'm waiting for, I should be focusing on what I am becoming as I wait"

Many times in my life I have found myself waiting. Waiting to grow up. Waiting to drive. Waiting for graduation. Waiting to live on my own. Waiting for a job. Waiting to get married. Waiting to have a child. Waiting to move states.  Those are "big" waitings. Sometimes the waiting is not so big, but significant nonetheless. Waiting in the check-out line at the store. Waiting for a package in the mail. Waiting to hear back from a friend.

I do a lot of waiting in life. Now, that I think about it, I probably "wait" a lot more than I "do". With that being said, it seems like I should really rethink the statement that the counselor made.

How many times have I been impatient? Wanting to move things along at MY speed? How many times have I asked (told) God to get a move on? Unfortunately, too many. It is easier to hear that God is working on me, than to actually allow it. As, I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I realize that more times than not, it is the waiting that makes me who I am....who I need to be in Him. Those are the in between periods where God does His work. Sometimes the waiting is painful, because I have a lot of junk in my life that God has to chip away at, clean up, make new. Other times God shows me Himself, in the peace before the storm. The waiting fortifies me for what lies ahead.

I used to think that waiting was useless...let's get on with it already!  I thought waiting was passive, a thumb twiddling kind of a time. How wrong I was. Waiting is work. Waiting is hard. Waiting is change and growth. Waiting is learning. Waiting is longing. It is in the waiting that endurance is cultivated.

An Olympic runner does not jump out of bed one day and try out to be on the Olympic team. She trains. She pushes. She gets injuries. She gets back up. She runs. Day after day. Weeks, months, years go by...until she is finally ready. When she goes across that finish line, she knows it is only because of the hard work she endured before, that made this moments possible...during the waiting.

The waiting, makes the ending all the more sweet.

So, when you find yourself in a waiting stage of life, remember this: God is in the waiting, and it is exciting to think about what He is going to do WITH you, and FOR you.

Related Articles

• God's Waiting Room! (sprinklednotes.com)


• Waiting On You Lord (hattiemattiemaespiritweaver.wordpress.com)


• Waiting .. (ahnyarthar.wordpress.com)


• A waiting game. (mylifeasawizard.wordpress.com)


• While I'm Waiting (americancowgurl.wordpress.com)


• Waiting (amogck.wordpress.com)


• God Is Waiting on Me? (intimategoddotorg.wordpress.com)


• Death, Dying, Grief (conversationalpackrat.com)

You Took My Place

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia The quiet moments. The times of reflection. The times of remembrance."][/caption]

The quiet moments. The moments of thought and reflection.

Sacrifice. Pain. Tears.

"Crucify Him! Crucify Him!"  The crowds of so long ago, shouted. Their voices echo through time... I cannot blame them. They were imperfect sinners. Just like me. I was in that crowd.

My sin crucified my Lord. It wasn't just "other people". It was me. My sin, put Him there. His love for me, kept Him there.

Selfishness! The slam of the hammer, as the nails pierced His flesh.

Pride! His face twisted in agony.

Resentment! The burden on His shoulders.

Bitterness! The blood dripped down.

God, forgive me. Please forgive me.

***************

You Took My Place

The thorns on your head

blood, runs red.

You hung on a Roman cross

for sin not your own,

the pain unbearable

the sounds of your groan.

You could have called angels to deliver you, free

but you stayed there...you stayed there for me.

"Father forgive her

She doesn't know!"

You saw me, you knew me

before time began,

you hung on that cross

the Savior of man.

You took the blame

You bore my shame.

Jesus my Lord, You took my place

knowing your sacrifice

your gift of grace...

Would deliver me from

death...and its dark face.

The stone rolled away

You are alive, no longer dead!

You stand victorious

Just like you said!

---Dawn Gibson 2011

Won't you join us, as we walk with Him?

Related Articles

• Passion Sunday (Palm Sunday) (savedbygodsgrace.wordpress.com)


• What Easter Means to Me! (14christalone.wordpress.com)


• Embracing Christ and the Cross (deaconjohnspace.wordpress.com)


• Washing Hands (godspace.wordpress.com)


• Bible Study: The Seven Last Words (part 3) (idkh.org)


• Why Did Jesus Have to Die? (rockavibe.com)


• Face to face with the cross. (screaminggoose.wordpress.com)


• The Son Will Rise (savings2envy.org)


• Seven Words of Love (lettersforhome.wordpress.com)

Hard Thanks...

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by ViaMoi via Flickr"][/caption]

All the reasons to be thankful....Click on the Multitudes On Mondays graphic on my right sidebar to read more.

Dear Reader,

I'll be honest with you. I'm not feeling very thankful today.

Mondays are never my best day of the week, and today seems especially "not very thankful". I feel guilty. I struggle.

Right now I'm seeing all "the holes" in the canvas of my life.  When concentrating on the holes, the rips, the tears... I find it difficult to see the beauty. I know that is a poor attitude, you don't have to remind me. Believe me, I know.

All the things I wish were....and aren't.

All the things I want...and can't.

All the trying to measure up....and falling short.

All the dreams...dashed.

All the little things....that become BIG things.

All the words thought....but never said.

All the wishing....not coming true.

All the obstacles....not overcome.

All the life beautiful...is really broken.

We live in an imperfect world.

 

Life IS broken. Isn't that true for us all?

Aren't there days when we each wonder, the why?

When our vision is full of gray, and the colors seem dulled?

When we want so much more, but get so much less?

 

God knew we'd have days like this. Hard days. Painful days. Days of longing for something else. Something that is seemingly just out of reach. The frustration. The grieving. The seemingly unfairness of it all. He knew. He always knew.

Giving thanks through the difficult times. The broken times.  Ann Voskamp calls it the "hard eucharisteo". The giving of thanks when we are searching through the darkness. The saying "yes" to God, when we don't understand. The trusting that this hard place we are in, is not the final destination.

Ann goes on to say, "Grace + Thanks = Joy".  She's right, you know

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything. Not about life plans. Not the wondering. Not the worrying. But in everything That is a big, all encompassing word. By prayer and petition God hears us!  With thanksgiving Always thanksgiving...even when it is the hard eucharisteo. present your requests to God. He wants us to talk with Him. In the good times and the not so good times. He is there.

And on a day when it seems dark, not just because of the storm clouds, I can say thank you. I can give the thanksgiving to the One who hears me even when the words aren't spoken aloud. I am thankful.

 

Related Articles

• Philippians 4:6-7 - Peace (nicoleanncarr.wordpress.com)


• God only knows (wondersofhislove.com)


• When Life Is Hard (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Thankful Through the Good and Tough (lynhallewell.wordpress.com)


• re-membering (threadingsymphonies.wordpress.com)


• 1000 Gifts! Growing and Changing Myself (memawsstuff.wordpress.com)

Are You Living In Friday?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Cover of He Lives"][/caption]

The most holy, pivotal celebration, to the life of a Christian......Easter.

On that Friday Jesus hung on a rugged, Roman cross

The Savior between two common thieves

He was mocked and insulted

The clouds darkened...

He asked His Father

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

The day was full of anguish

and pain.

He cried out

"It is finished!"

The curtain in the temple tore from top to bottom.

The earth shook.

Then He died.

That day was.... Sad. Hopeless. Bleak.

Jesus' followers did not understand. They were confused. They were grieving. They were hurting.

Wondering.

What did this mean?

What was the purpose?

Don't so many of us live in "the Friday" of our lives?  Scared. Wondering. Confused.

How is God going to work things out in our lives?

We can't see it.

We don't get it.

We won't live through it.

What is the purpose?

But Jesus did not stay in the grave.

He conquered death.

He rose again.

He appeared too many.

The glorious resurrection day changed everything.

EVERYTHING.

For all time.

FOR US

The followers had.....Hope. Joy. Peace.

Death had been conquered by the only ONE who was capable.

He took our place. He sacrificed. His blood was spilled.

And He came out of that tomb!

Jesus never left us in the darkness of the crucifixion.

Because He lives, we are brought into the

glorious resurrection morning!

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"  John 11:25 NIV

***Join us over at A Holy Experience for Walk With Him Wednesdays, where we are blogging about the walk to Easter. Click on the graphic on my right side bar.***

Related Articles

• Holy Week: Prepare for Easter with Your Family. (greatriversofhope.wordpress.com)


• What is Easter?. (greatriversofhope.wordpress.com)


• With Easter Nearing... (petrosbaptist.wordpress.com)


• The goodness of Good Friday: The oxymoron of an unhappy celebration (gratefultothedead.wordpress.com)


• Touched & Transformed (truth4today.wordpress.com)

Relationship Is Important

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by wader via Flickr"][/caption]

At Faith Barista this week we are discussing the question, "How do you spend time with God and experience spiritual rest?"  Click on the Faith Barista graphic on my right side bar to find out how others experience rest.

All good relationships require communication. If I want to have a better marriage I need to spend time with my husband. We need to talk. Laugh. Cry. Be goofy.....together. If I want to maintain my friendships I have to find time to get together. Chat on the phone. Walk together. Talk together. If I want my relationship as a mother to be nurturing to my children, I need to take time to find out what is important to them. I email family and friends. We keep in touch. We reach out.  Without communication...without sharing... relationships die. Sometimes the death is long, slow and painful. Sometimes not.

I make time for the relationships that are important to me.

My relationship with God is no different. Some people would question me with, "How can you have a RELATIONSHIP with God? God is all about religion...and rules...and church."  My reply is that God, and His son, Jesus are ALL ABOUT relationship. Yes, Jesus came to this earth in the form of man BECAUSE of relationship. God wants relationship with me, not because He NEEDS too, but because He WANTS too. Even though I have been a Christian for many, many years I am still in awe of the fact that the God of the Universe wants to know me....and even more importantly He wants me to KNOW Him.

Sometimes all I need to do, to experience spiritual rest, is to talk WITH Him, the one who knows me most intimately. I commune with the One who knows my heart.

Father,

I long for peace and rest

From You, who knows me best.

I stumble through my days

turning from Your gaze.

I am full of pride

thinking I can hide

all my stress inside

far from You.

Forgive me Father.

I am so stubborn.

I need rest.

Rest for my body.

Rest for my soul.

I need You.

Thank you for your provision for me.

As I draw close to You,

You draw close to me.

And I can rest in Your love.

Amen

Related Articles

• would You find me faithful? (joeyasher.com)


• Favor (ebonywomanofgrace.com)


• Messy Faith (wonderingpreacher.wordpress.com)


• Point to Christ (pastorcraig.org)


• To Know HIM More (heatherdawkins.wordpress.com)


• You will find rest (amblessedbeyondmeasure.com)

A Time To Come Near

[caption id="attachment_4603" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Country Church"][/caption]

A time for prayer

and wonder.

A time for quiet

and contemplation.

A time for praise

and song.

A time to read

and study.

A time to give

and share.

New International Version (©1984)
Come near to God and he will come near to you...James 4:8

Related Articles

• Faith Muscles (writeriam4joy.wordpress.com)


• Acts 1 (nineyearbible.wordpress.com)


• E or Sy (praysehim.wordpress.com)

For A Season

Ecclesiastes 3

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens


. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I became comfortable in my life. There was a certain predictability, that brought not boredom to me, but security. I grasped hard. I wanted to hold on to what is...scared of what might be.

Fear does horrible things to a human heart.

It paralyzes. It cowers. It handicaps.

The grip of fear made me timid. It limited me.

Instead of stepping out into God's plan, in confidence, I stayed back in the shadows. Unsure.

I needed to loosen my grip...and let it go.

My husband lost his job of nearly 23 years. It was no fault of his own. That is what made the news so much more difficult. I hated the economy. I hated the company's decision, handed down my executives that didn't even know us. I hated the change that swept over us like a dark wave of the ocean...we were drowning.

My grip tightened. My knuckles were white from the death grip I had placed on my life.

NO, God! NO!

I resorted to begging. Crying. Pleading.

Fear, it is a terrible thing. It preyed on me, like a wild animal. It wanted to devour me, to destroy me.....and I was letting it.

I'm not exactly sure when the change happened. I'm sure it was months into the unemployment, my working part time substitute teaching, with the help of family and friends. Never once did we miss a bill. We finished building the house we were right in the middle of constructing, when my husband lost his job.

I realized that things did work out for us. Life was not what it had been, but we were (and are) okay.

It might not have.

God spoke to my heart. No, not in an audible voice. And no, I was not having a break down. His Word echoed over the waves of the ocean, that were crashing all around me.

God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)

God did not want me to have fear of the unknown...He wanted me to trust. Trust Him. Trust Him and let it go. Let go of the fear.

⁵ Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

My security never came from things. Never from a steady paycheck. Never from money in the bank. Never from paying bills. Or being able to go out to eat on a whim. Never from knowing what each day held on the calendar.

My security was, and is, always in HIM. I had known this....but, it took a job loss...the strain.....the not knowing.....to be reminded.

Phil 4:19........."And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

Mt 6:8............"your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."

Ps 34:10.........."...those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."

I continue to stumble, but I am learning to let go.....

 

This week we are discussing "Letting Go" over at, A Holy Experience. Click on the WALK WITH HIM WEDNESDAY graphic on my right side bar, to read more!

 

Related Articles

• Shore Love. (mizzlovelippz.com)


• The Cycle of Grief (powerofamoment.com)


• I Will Not Fear, For the Lord is With Me. (greatriversofhope.wordpress.com)


• Faith - The A, B, C's (faithbibleministries.wordpress.com)


• Outrunning grace. (growup318.com)


• Giants in the Land (christianholisticcenter.wordpress.com)


• 2 Timothy 1:7 Fear Not! (ijiigz.wordpress.com)


• trust (vicabbott.wordpress.com)


• A time for everything (hisloveaffairwithsabby.wordpress.com)

Love Is A Sacrifice

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by harold.lloyd via Flickr"][/caption]

Love is a sacrifice... I wrote this note in my Bible, in the margin of the page,  next to the story of  The Good Samaritan. (Luke 10:25-) A story that Jesus gave as an example of love. A man hurt, beaten and bleeding, on the side of the road. Ignored by some. Cared for by a stranger. The stranger showed compassion and mercy to this man that he did not know.

As I looked to this story, I pondered the words of the Lord. He ends His parable referring to the actions of the good Samaritan, "Go and do likewise."

Go and do likewise. Jesus' words echo in my heart.

How many times am I like the priest or the Levite in the story? The first people to encounter the wounded stranger. The priest crossed to the other side of the road, as did the Levite. Was the sight of the man too much? Were they too busy? Did they owe this stranger their time? Could they be bothered with the ache of another?

I've known this story since childhood...but, today I looked at it with new eyes.  A story with a lesson. Relevant to today.

"He bandaged his wounds."

"He took care of him."

To the inn keeper he said, "Look after him, I will reimburse you."

This man was not too busy to slow down.  He knelt to help another...with no expectation of reward or reimbursement. We do not know (Jesus never says)  if the hurt man ever thanked the Samaritan that had helped him.

Love calls for sacrifice.


A sacrifice of time. A sacrifice of energy. A sacrifice of what I might want, for the benefit of another. Selfishness can't survive in the presence of love.

Real love for others, always requires a sacrifice of self.
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:31

" Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Luke 6:31

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Ephesians 4:2

"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19

Related Articles

• Learning Forgiveness, Compassion and Thankfulness (jesusmylordandsavior.wordpress.com)


• In Our Midst (worlduponmyshoulders.wordpress.com)


• What's so Good about the Gospel? : Mercy (1twentyone.wordpress.com)


• Daily Devotion Mar 3, 2011 (meetyouatthewell.com)


• Passing by on the other side (johnmeunier.wordpress.com)

Letting Go

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

This week, we are discussing "letting go". (Click on the Walk With Him Wednesdays/One Thousand Gifts on my right sidebar if you want to read more.)

Letting Go...

So hard for me. I struggle. I cry. I'm stubborn. It hurts.

I hold on until my hands ache. My muscles spasm. I can hardly breathe.

NO, GOD!!!

My grandmother laid in her bed. Family gathered around. We knew her time was short. She was ready to go home, but only days away from being 20 years old, I didn't want to let her go. The memories washed over me, salty tears coursed down my face. I watched, sadly, as the funeral worker came to the house to take her away. She was buried on my birthday. The day I turned 20. The day I told her goodbye.

In November of 2000, the hospital lights glared as I stood over my husband's bed. The nurse asked me if I wanted my husband's wedding ring? And did I want to say a final goodbye to him before they took him away? My pastor friend was there. A friend from Sunday School. I explained to my 5 year old son that Daddy was with God now, and he wasn't coming back.

I got the call early, before I left for work. It was a chilly March morning, that day in 2002. My aunt's voice carried hundreds of miles across the phone line. "Dawn, I called you first. Will you call your sister? Your father is dead. He took his own life."  The air sucked out of my lungs. "What?!" My brain was numb as I attempted to process what she had just told me.  My dad left....and he didn't even say goodbye.

I got a call from my husband, Scott, in January 2009. We had been married for just a tad over 3 years. Scott had a good job (he worked remotely) with a company that he had been with for 22 years. We were in the process of building a house out of state. Exciting times.....until that fateful phone call. His company was letting him go. No fault of his own. Economy. Since he worked remotely, he couldn't be put in a new position. I was trying to process the news....we were a single income family, we were in the middle of building a house, what were we going to do?!  I had to say goodbye to the life that I had known.

Letting go. Saying goodbye. Starting over.

My knuckles were white from the grasping hard.

And yet... it is when I let go, give up, release, that I can watch God in action. When I stop wrestling with Him for control, I can see Him at work.

When I stop saying "me", and start saying "YOU", I give Him glory.

Letting go is not easy. Humanly speaking, I don't know if it ever is. But, it is only when I let go and rest in Him that I fully begin to understand who God  is.

Psalm 34 ...4.I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.....8. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. 17. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

God is good. All the time. Even when we have to let go.

 

Related Articles

• I had to learn how to grieve for my father (theglobeandmail.com)


• thoughts (kharlamovaa.wordpress.com)


• What is prayer? (wonderingpreacher.wordpress.com)


• Psalm 30: joy, worship, and peace. (hersoftlyspokenheart.wordpress.com)


• Look Again - Jonah 2:1-4 (thirdcoastministries.wordpress.com)


• Sometimes God Puts Mud in Your Eyes! (pastorpinon.wordpress.com)


• Be still my soul, be still (completelydevoted.wordpress.com)


• Dog comforts funeral home mourners (timesunion.com)

So Many Times, I Am A Brick

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

If you noticed my post from yesterday, you saw that I was frustrated and angry over losing my hard work. I was not enjoying my lap top. At all.

I look back at the incident and have to laugh. My post from yesterday was going to be on perspective. Isn't that funny? I thought I could write something worthwhile on perspective, and when I lost my post to cyberspace... I lost my temper. Not a very good perspective, huh?

I have a feeling I am not the only one that has those type of moments.

I wish I had it all together. Oh, how I wish! But...I don't. I admit it.

I am trying to work on perspective. Two steps forward and one step back. That is the way it always seems to work out. Life is all about the lessons, isn't it? What does God want me to learn today? Am I malleable in the Potter's hand? Or am I stubborn and hard like a brick? Can he gently smooth  my rough edges, or does He need to hammer away at me, until I soften?

Sigh. So many times I am a brick.

I am so grateful that God is patient with me. He is compassionate to me and forgives me, my human frailties.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

 

Related Articles

• Lord, it's Tough to Make Bricks Without Straw - Exodus 6-9 (dianneguthmuller.com)


• Rolling-stone Christians (eardstapa.wordpress.com)


• Brick Lane, after hours (eastlondonwatch.wordpress.com)


• Bricks, and Arguments (philothing.wordpress.com)


• Today I am angry... (babymamasblog.wordpress.com)

Growth Can't Always Be Measured With A Ruler

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="160" caption="Image by alancleaver_2000 via Flickr"][/caption]

I still have a long way to go.

Growing. Stretching. Absorbing. Changing.

Some days I think I've got it all together. Whatever "it" is. I've got it all figured out. I'm on top of things.

Other days I know I don't. I wonder if I ever did.

I look at other people. I think maybe their lives are right. And good.

Even if they aren't.

I measure myself.

I come up short.

I want more.

More of what is good. More of what makes me happy. More of things going my way.

More. More. More.

Ungrateful.

The dark emotion washes over me like the cold waves of a surly ocean. I am overcome.

I breathe deeply. I don't really like this place.

I snip at my kids, ignore my husband, don't even want to pet the dog.

Who am I?

I breathe again.

Ann Voskamp reminds me in chapter 8. I know this woman's words are a gift to me from God Himself. There is no other explanation. God speaks in many ways--and sometimes it is through a Canadian woman, a farmer's wife, a home schooling mom of six. I am humbled.

On page 143, her words sear through me. Cutting me. Straight to the place that oozes with the ungrateful. The worry. The stress. The parts of myself that I don't like to show.

"Anxiety has been my natural posture, my default stiffness.  How I angle my jaw, braced, chisel, the brow with the lines of distrust. How I don't fold my hands in prayer...weld them into tight fists of control...... Do I hold worry close as this ruse of control, this pretense that I'm the one who will determine the course of events as I stir and churn and ruminate? Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is. And stressed, this pitched word that punctuates every conversation, is it really my attempt to prove how indispensable I am? Or is it more? Maybe disguising my deep fears as stress seems braver somehow."

And on page 146, " Stress isn't only a joy stealer. The way we respond to it can be sin." ......"I've got to get this thing, what it means to trust, to gut-believe in the good touch of God toward me, because it's true: I can't fill with joy until I learn how to trust: 'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow." (Romans 15:13)

I breathe again.

And I work on giving thanks. I need to give thanks. I must give thanks.

In order to see.

#155  Rainy days

#156 Warm light spilling through the kitchen

#157  Green showing through melted snow

# 158  Children laughing

 

 

 

 

Related Articles

• Be stress free. (hamob.wordpress.com)


• Stressed or just spoiled? (nutenasni.wordpress.com)


• Hey You! Anxious Person: Stress Out When I'm Talking To You! (crushable.com)


• Stress Symptoms and Natural Measures for Stress Relief (easyayurveda.com)


• Stress (imaginethespirit.wordpress.com)


• Cause and Effect (demurphy2010.wordpress.com)


• Anger Management and Stress: The Art of Living Well (angerblog.wordpress.com)

Rest For The Soul

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="137" caption="Image by marc falardeau via Flickr"][/caption]

Rest.

Time slows.

I savor the moment.

Saturday morning.

Walking around bare footed.

Wearing sweat pants and an old tee shirt.

Coffee in a deep mug.

With extra creamer.

Quiet time.

Reflection.

A time to enjoy.

 

 

 

Related Articles

• Time Management Myth Buster: You Don't Need an Extra Hour a Day... (creativeorganizing.typepad.com)


• Kick back, wind down, relax (edugeek.net)


• How to Deal with Stress and Depression (brighthub.com)


• They Tell You To Take Care Of Yourself (brighthub.com)


• Come To Me, All You Who Are Weary and Burdened (itakeoffthemask.com)

When Life Is Hard

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Image by Liam Wilde via Flickr"][/caption]

I'm finished with chapter five of One Thousand Gifts.

It was a difficult chapter.

Painful, even.

It hurts, when faced with the reality that life will never be easy. Not for me. Not for you. No one will get out of this life without struggle. Will I be thankful for what my life holds for me? Even when things aren't going as I planned? As I had hoped?  Even when I sit at the bedside of a loved one who is dying? Even when I hear the doctor's voice explain the diagnosis? When my child is sick? Or run away? Will I be thankful for all that God has done for me when I get the bad news? When my husband loses his job? When people hurt me with their words? When I feel robbed of happiness? Will..I...be...thankful....then?

I realize that some of you reading this might be thinking, "Well, she is a real bummer. Where are her funny blogs? I like her sense of humor. This stuff is depressing." To those of you I reply with this....I do love to laugh. I enjoy telling a funny story.  Life is a joy. There are some times when the deeper things of life need precedence. When I need to think deeply. This is one of those days.I hope you will read my blog post with your eyes wide open.

On pages 84 and 85 I read the words that slammed through me like a deadly, powerful wind. My breath caught in my throat.

Ann Voskamp writes, "What will I lose? Health? Comfort? Hope? Eventually, I am guaranteed to lose every thing I have possessed. When will I lose? Today? How  much time do I have before the next loss? Who will I lose? And that's definite. I will lose every single person I have ever loved. Either abruptly or eventually. All human relationships end in loss. Am I prepared for that?"

Tears stained my cheeks with wet. My breath was ragged while reading her words. Because.....I know they are true. A sob escapes my throat. So true.

Will I be prepared for the hard eucharisteo when that time comes? If I am learning the discipline of thanking God in all things now...daily writing down all the ways that God says 'yes' to me, all the proofs of His love, will I be ready to thank Him through the hard times? God is good today. God will be good tomorrow. God will be good for all the days after that. He does not change. If I love Him today when things are well for me, should I not love Him tomorrow, even when the news might change?

It is not an easy thing.

It is not easy when my heart bleeds. When my hopes are dashed. When my world is torn apart. When pain is so great. When I scream "the why's" at Heaven.

God is good.

He is good.

He loves me.

He shows me His love daily. I am listing His thousand gifts to me....and when I get to the end of my list, I will list a thousand more. His love is eternal. On days when life is hard, I can look at my list and be amazed at each moment I recorded. He showers me with the moments.

On page 91 Ann states, "Without God's Word as a lens, the world warps."  (Matt. 6:22-23)  Yes. Yes. Yes!  Page 94.."When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn't all become a gift?

"One act of thanksgiving, when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations."

--Saint John of Avila.

Related Articles

• Eucharisteo (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Book Review: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp (seattlepi.com)


• Life is hard. (ask.metafilter.com)


• I Never Want To Lose... (fishofgold.wordpress.com)


• Describe the sound of your laugh (fishofgold.wordpress.com)


• Laugh, Love, Live! (gregghake.com)


• What Made You Laugh Today? (psychologytoday.com)

Feeling Time

On occasion, I can hear time. The sound is faint, a whisper.  The sound of moments that I have been ignoring in order to rush through my days. My perspective was all messed up. For me, who has been through some perspective changing life altering moments, one would think I'd remember. Yet, I forget. Forget what is truly important. Forget how quickly time melts away. Forget to savor the here and now.

My eyes and ears are opened now, to catch a fleeting glimpse of eternity. In the grit of my today...time slows.  When I stop, to be fully in the moment, thanking God for even the smallest of gifts, I am forced to slow down. Breathe. Enjoy. Savor.

God is good. He gave me beautiful gifts this morning.

* The reflection of the sun's rays bouncing from behind a cloud. The sunlight spilling out from an opening in the cloud, causing a rainbow of golden colors. An amazing sight. Thank you God for beauty.

* A hug from my son. His arms around me. Long, slender arms...full of young man strength. Hugs that I will miss, when he is a fully grown man and is gone... out to discover the world on his own. Thank you God for making me a mommy.

* My husband, hair tousled in sleep. Eyes closed, breathing soft. Thanking God.

* The sunlight splattered on the foyer wall. Swirling light.

* The hum of the refrigerator. When we first moved in after the building process, we didn't have a refrigerator (left it in the house we sold). I never appreciated my refrigerator, until I didn't have one. Thank you God for food and for refrigeration. Thank you for provision.

* The smell of the morning air. Pregnant with the aromas of mud and country.

As most of you know, I am reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. Her words challenge me with each chapter read. If I take her God inspired words to heart, I will continue to change.

In chapter four she states, "I just want time to do my one life well."  Isn't that what we each want?  But you might be thinking, time stops for no one. Life is a rush. So much to do...so little time. It is a choice. A decision. If we each choose to stop, meet God in the moment, time can slow. Thankfulness, appreciation can do that.

My fingers tap out sounds on my keyboard. I hear my son clear his throat. I see the blueness of the sky reflected on my computer screen. I smile as I notice the fur that I need to sweep from the floor. God is so big...and yet, He is so small. He is right here, present, in this moment.

 

Related Articles

• Appreciating the daisy-weed bouquets (the-stuff-in-between.com)


• Why do the rays of the sun appear to radiate from a point? (ask.metafilter.com)


• Tons of Gratitude & Happy New Year Wishes to All Our Readers! (devicemag.com)


• Living Life, Fully In The Moment (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• God's Goodness & Trustworthiness (cruciality.wordpress.com)


• Sunlight Labs Goes Live With Real Time Congress API (programmableweb.com)


• Successful time management. (xemion.com)


• Are You Really Pursuing The Right Goals? (hellobeautiful.com)

The Gifts For Today

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="198" caption="Image by rustman via Flickr"][/caption]

I am beginning my journey of gratitude. Writing down each of the things that I am grateful for. Giving thanks.

Each Monday ,and maybe some days in between, I will share my list with you. I ask that you join me in this endeavor, in saying thank you for your own gifts. (See my side bar with multitudes on mondays - one thousand gifts button)

#1 My God, My Jesus...for loving me. For loving me long before I loved Him. I didn't deserve the love, yet it was given to me. Freely.

#2 My husband, who came to me by way of loss, has turned my life around and changed my life story.

#3 My son,  who I've had opportunity to love with all my heart, since before he was even born.

#4 My son and daughters through my marriage, that I have adopted in my heart.

#5 My health...though not perfect...is better than most. I'm thankful for lungs that breathe, a heart that beats, a brain that thinks, and a soul that sings.

#6 My family members who have loved me, in spite of...

#7 A mother who encourages me.

#8  The warmth of a house on a cold winters day.

#9 The way the lamp light puddles on the floor, near my reading chair.

#10 The smell of dinner cooking.

Related Articles

• 4 Qualities of a Generous Life (christianpf.com)


• Teaching Kids the Importance of Gratitude (everydayhealth.com)


• Do I Want To Change The Story? (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• gratitude attitude. (marykathryntyson.wordpress.com)


• Gratitude, the Parent of All Virtues (geneveith.com)


• A Dare To Live Fully (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Let those you love know what makes your grateful (thestar.com)

Do I Want To Change The Story?

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

I have mentioned that I am reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. After going through the first chapter, and discussing it with the book club, here are some of my insights.

Even if you haven't read the book, I'm sure you can relate.

(pg. 14) "Does God really love me? If He truly, deeply loves me, why does He withhold that which I believe will fully nourish me? Why do I live in this sense of rejection, of less than, of pain? Does He not want me to be happy?

I admit I have that thought sometimes. On days that I presume that I know so much more than God, I'm sure that my plan will work. If He would only allow me to have my way, everything would work out for me. I would live happily ever after. Doesn't He love me enough to let me do this on my own? Why can't He just let me? Doesn't He want me to be happy?

In my mind I have it figured out, but....in my heart I don't really feel it. My heart knows that I am not capable of writing my own story. I am the same one who is scared of mice, burns toast, and is directionally challenged. I can't handle the most basic things of life and I know I am helpless to even try with the harder things. I fail. Without Him, I fail. Every. Single. Time.

And yet, I still want the control. The ability to run my story, my way. I want to stamp my life with, I CAN. I WILL. I KNOW. I DID. I want to be in the driver's seat of my own destiny. My life map spread out before me. MY voice, the one giving directions through the GPS of my story.

My hubris knows no bounds.

(pg. 15) "Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other."

If I'm completely honest with myself. Really honest...isn't that how I feel? How about you?

The life we live, is hardly the life we planned. We wonder if there isn't something more in the 24 hours a day? When years turn into decades, do we look back with gratitude? Or grief?Peace or regret?

(pg. 21) As Mrs. Voskamp tells the story of her brother-in-law, a man and his wife that lost two of their young sons to a genetic disease. She struggled with her nephew's deaths. She told this grieving father, if it were up to her....she would write the story differently. He replied, "Just that maybe...maybe you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds."

It's true. I don't know what the ending holds.

God does. He knows.

I could attempt my own story. I could fight. I could scratch and claw my way through life. Constantly grabbing back, what I feel is mine to have. Wishing...screaming....for things to be different.

If I do that, I will miss the things. The small things. The every day things. The things that bring joy. If my eyes are riveted, by pride, to all I do not have, I will completely miss all that I do have. I will miss all the ways that God has said yes to me. There is peace and joy in the every day...if I deliberately take the time to see it. And thank God for it.

 

 

 

Related Articles

• Mapping and documenting a year of travels (flowingdata.com)


• A Dare To Live Fully (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• Book Review: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp (seattlepi.com)


• Living Life, Fully In The Moment (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (queenoftheclick.com)


• The 50 Best Life Story Questions. (dancurtis.ca)


• The idiot’s guide to driving with a GPS (theglobeandmail.com)

Don't Expect Perfection

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="290" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption]

Don't expect perfection from me because it's not going to be happening. Oh, I try. Sometimes, I find myself trying too much. Fretting over the coulda, shoulda, woulda's of life.

There are days when I lament the fact that I am not taller. Or thinner. Or funnier. Or that I would read my Bible more. Or be more thrifty..or....or......or...... the list can go on and on, can't it?

After I have my pity party, I come back to reality. I will never be perfect. I just won't.

God knows that.

And that is okay.

As much as I don't like to share my imperfections with the world, it is those very imperfections that draw people to me. It is the same with you.

This life is not about being perfect. Perfect is not attainable. Being real is more important.

It's when I take off the "expectations", and strive instead, to be the one that I was created to be, that things change. I begin to see the glory in the moments. I see God's hand in my life.

My DNA says that I am unique. I am special. There is no one just like me. Not in all the world. That is pretty amazing stuff if you think about it.

God is pretty amazing...and incredible...and He really IS perfect.

And yet, He still loves me.

Imperfections and all.

 

Related Articles

• They Are Precious In His Sight (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)


• How Perfectionism Hurts Your Career (money.usnews.com)


• 8 Ways To Pitch Perfectionism (psychcentral.com)


• A Whole Bible & a Whole Christian (challies.com)

One Thousand Gifts

A couple of days ago I blogged about Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. I mentioned that I was taking "the dare". I'm daring to live fully right where I'm at. Right here. Right now. Just as I am.

Sometimes a word, a thought, a book resonates with me in a deep and profound way.  It touches me in a way that I could not have imagined beforehand, causing me to have an "a ha" moment(s). A different way of thinking. A different way of living.

That is just how God works in my life. More often than not, when I'm least expecting it, He shares with me. In the midst of my day, He meets me. Just where I'm at. He sees me as I move throughout my day and bids me to come and sit at His feet for awhile. Just to be with Him.

Jesus...His calming voice, in the storms of my day.

Jesus...His touch that heals my heart.

Jesus...His love that renews my spirit.

His gifts to me are numerous. Writing each gift down and listing them all, one by one, causes me to focus. I am more keenly aware of His presence in my life as I list the ways He shows me that He loves me. Nothing I list is too small nor  too big. God is so good to me.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17 NIV)

Each moment becomes a time of worship, to thank Him.

Related Articles

• Solar-powered curtains automatically control sunlight and shade (greendiary.com)


• Zune Solar Charger Buying Guide (brighthub.com)


• Solar Energy Home - Approaches And Preparations To Minimize Your Current Fees (ideagreenshop.com)


• One Thousand Gifts (queenoftheclick.com)


• Book Review: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp (seattlepi.com)


• Where You Are Matters (thisido.blogspot.com)


• You Are Unique (jesus-pictures.net)


• The Language of Love (ponderingpastor.blogspot.com)


• The Ann's at My Table (seedlingsinstone.blogspot.com)