This week, we are discussing "letting go". (Click on the Walk With Him Wednesdays/One Thousand Gifts on my right sidebar if you want to read more.)
So hard for me. I struggle. I cry. I'm stubborn. It hurts.
I hold on until my hands ache. My muscles spasm. I can hardly breathe.
My grandmother laid in her bed. Family gathered around. We knew her time was short. She was ready to go home, but only days away from being 20 years old, I didn't want to let her go. The memories washed over me, salty tears coursed down my face. I watched, sadly, as the funeral worker came to the house to take her away. She was buried on my birthday. The day I turned 20. The day I told her goodbye.
In November of 2000, the hospital lights glared as I stood over my husband's bed. The nurse asked me if I wanted my husband's wedding ring? And did I want to say a final goodbye to him before they took him away? My pastor friend was there. A friend from Sunday School. I explained to my 5 year old son that Daddy was with God now, and he wasn't coming back.
I got the call early, before I left for work. It was a chilly March morning, that day in 2002. My aunt's voice carried hundreds of miles across the phone line. "Dawn, I called you first. Will you call your sister? Your father is dead. He took his own life." The air sucked out of my lungs. "What?!" My brain was numb as I attempted to process what she had just told me. My dad left....and he didn't even say goodbye.
I got a call from my husband, Scott, in January 2009. We had been married for just a tad over 3 years. Scott had a good job (he worked remotely) with a company that he had been with for 22 years. We were in the process of building a house out of state. Exciting times.....until that fateful phone call. His company was letting him go. No fault of his own. Economy. Since he worked remotely, he couldn't be put in a new position. I was trying to process the news....we were a single income family, we were in the middle of building a house, what were we going to do?! I had to say goodbye to the life that I had known.
Letting go. Saying goodbye. Starting over.
My knuckles were white from the grasping hard.
And yet... it is when I let go, give up, release, that I can watch God in action. When I stop wrestling with Him for control, I can see Him at work.
When I stop saying "me", and start saying "YOU", I give Him glory.
Letting go is not easy. Humanly speaking, I don't know if it ever is. But, it is only when I let go and rest in Him that I fully begin to understand who God is.
Psalm 34 ...4.I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.....8. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. 17. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
God is good. All the time. Even when we have to let go.
- I had to learn how to grieve for my father (theglobeandmail.com)
- thoughts (kharlamovaa.wordpress.com)
- What is prayer? (wonderingpreacher.wordpress.com)
- Psalm 30: joy, worship, and peace. (hersoftlyspokenheart.wordpress.com)
- Look Again - Jonah 2:1-4 (thirdcoastministries.wordpress.com)
- Sometimes God Puts Mud in Your Eyes! (pastorpinon.wordpress.com)
- Be still my soul, be still (completelydevoted.wordpress.com)
- Dog comforts funeral home mourners (timesunion.com)