Friday, September 17, 2010

Creepy Crawlies

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Image via Wikipedia"]Funneled spider net[/caption]

I worked, out in the flower bed yesterday. I pulled weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. The flower bed had been neglected. Opps.

1. Some people say working in a garden is actually fun.

2. I wonder about those kind of people.

3. I hate pulling weeds.

4. Hate is not too strong a word.

5. I woke up this morning with aching thighs and a sore lower back.

6. That's what I get for squatting and bending over.

7. For more than 2 seconds.

8. Ugh.

9. Anyway, as I was pulling weeds I noticed the webs.

10. Lots and lots of webs.

11. Sticky tunnels of spider web goo.

12. There is no love loss between me an spiders.

13. I hate them.

14. I don't even like Spiderman.

15. Fighting crime? So what. He's part spider. Yuck.

16. Funnel web weavers are fast.

17. That is the fancy names for spiders that run out of their tunnels of web.

18. Right at you.

19. While you're weeding.

20. And cause you to scream.

21. And jump.

22. And scream some more.

23. I need a shovel.

24. A big one.

25. To smash the ever lovin' guts out of the spiders.

26. I am learning to overcome my fear of spiders.

27. As long as I have something big to smash them with.

28. Especially, something with a long handle that I can smash them with, from a distance.

29. So, after the weeding, near death (from a major conniption fit) experience...

30. I went inside.

31. Took my gloves off and sat down at my computer.

32. I looked up spiders on the internet.

33. The kind we have are funnel weavers. They mostly stay outside in the grass.

34. That does nothing to assuage my fear.

35. Note to self: Don't go outside in the yard bare foot.

36. The spider site told me that MALE funnel weavers like to go inside when the weather turns cold.

37. Figures it's the males.

38. I am a warrior.

39. They will die.

40. Part of me feels a little bad.....Okay, maybe not.

41. They are ones who desire to enter enemy territory.

42. It's not like I want them as a pet. Or a family mascot.

43. I've noticed a lot of little spiders around lately.

43. I read somewhere that spiders don't care for citrus.

44. I might bomb my entire house.

45. With oranges.

46. Just sayin'.

47. In the meantime, any weeding will be done in "full gear".

48. Gloves. Long pants.


50. A girl can never be too prepared.


  1. great post dawn! I literally freak everytime i get near spiders, even if they aren't to big, i just am a Natural Born spider Killer i guess.

  2. Zach, too funny! I especially don't like the really fast ones. They know they are fast and I believe in their little spider minds they LIKE to scare us. It's all fun and games until they get zonked by my shovel. Then who is laughing???? :)

  3. I am CONVINCED that the sole purpose of the spider is to crawl into my orifices while I sleep.

  4. Okay you have sufficiently creeped me out. That is like in a horror movie.

  5. I read somewhere that a person will eat an average of 8 spiders while sleeping in their lifetime..... :/ yuck

  6. Oh my lord! Britt, I'm duck taping my mouth shut while I sleep....from now on.

  7. Did I just type duck tape? I meant duct tape. I'm sleep deprived....

  8. Dawn, I'm sure duck tape works too! I hate the spider webs you walk into on those nice crisp fall days. It surely can ruin the mood.

  9. I love this. You made me laugh...really. Go get 'em, girl!

    We live rurally and I have had to simply accept that I share my home with all kinds of creatures that I wish were not so boldly making themselves at MY home!

  10. Lol, I love your take on things, Dawn!! I too am a spider hater...too chicken to get the shovel, I tend to run as far away as possible and hope they go away before I get back. A spider in the kitchen that wouldn't go away was once sufficient excuse to leave the house and go shoe shopping. You're such a girl-stud for showing em who's boss!!