Friday, July 16, 2010

Eclectic Elegance

I picked that title as a descriptor of who I am. Sounds catchy doesn't it? Sort of just flows off the tongue...eclectic elegance....ahhh....  Hey, it's a lot better than using other words like strange, weird, or unusual. So what if those words  fit, they don't sound as nice! Sheesh.

At the ripe ol' age of 42 I think I have earned the right to call myself whatever I want. So I will. Because I can. And because this is my blog and I can say or do whatever I want. It is so liberating.

Eclectic--Selecting, choosing from various sources Elegance-- refined gracefulness, fastidious taste

Tips On How to Bring Eclectic Elegance into your life....if you want....or not. Whatever.

(You might possibly be reading my blog because you are bored and have nothing better to do and aren't really interested in tips. That's okay too. I'm not offended. Or choosy. I'm just excited that I have readers.)

1. (Rollover) Get up early. Get the blood pumping. Take on the world! But don't stand at the bathroom mirror for too long. The less time you spend looking at yourself the better. Crows feet and scraggly eyebrows and creeping age spots aren't anyone's friend. (this is where the elegance part comes in) Slick on some lip gloss and sunglasses. It doesn't matter whether you are going out or not--even if you stay at home....the sunglasses will give you a mysterious look that even the UPS delivery guy will notice, and your kids will think you are cool. Or crazy. But really, does it matter? A little crazy just makes you charming.

2. One morning decide to wear a long flowing skirt and an ankle bracelet. (obviously a shirt too...this is eclectic not smutty, people!) Dab a little paint on your nose or cheeks. No, not makeup. Like real artist paint. This is to give the illusion that you are a painter working on a great masterpiece. You are too busy creating, to worry about your appearance. If your husband questions your lack of artistic ability look him full in the eye and declare that, "you just don't understand me!"  And flounce out of the room in your flowing skirt. To pull this off you might want to invest a little money in a canvas and some oil paint. To make it look good. If your teenage children ask what it is you are painting, tell them, "don't you see it?" When they reply, "no", tell them, "I have failed as your mother...I've given you no artistic vision!"  If you are able to do this WHILE also wearing the aforementioned dark sunglasses and with shiny lips you will have even greater dramatic effect. This is definitely not for beginners.

3. Forget Tupperware. It doesn't matter that it is practically indestructible and won't break (into 50 billion shards of glass) when it is dropped on the floor. Sometimes when you are being eclectic-ly elegant you have to take risks. Drink everything out of glass stemware. Even if it is milk. Or iced tea. Or prune juice. Whatever. This is all about the mindset. Think elegant. Think old Hollywood. Don't dwell on the fact that statistically speaking you have a large chance of losing your beautiful stemware when it is used everyday. Around teenagers. Who don't appreciate the aesthetics that you are trying to bring into your household. Never mind. If breakage occurs, just put your hand to your forehead and declare that you are terribly pained by this unfortunate event as you sweep up the glass so no one in your family has to be run to the emergency room for stitches. If you are not a risk taker you can go to Walmart and buy plasticware that LOOKS like the real thing, and just pretend.

4. A true EE lifestyle requires some decorating sense. If you are like me you have a lot of experience in this arena. Sure, you go to Walmart for toilet paper and Hershey's syrup, but do your REAL shopping at yard sales, flea markets, and relatives attics. Buy things that strike your fancy. Nothing is off limits. Learn how to haggle. Bring the stuff home and display it around the house. If anyone asks why "that thing" is setting on the table, tell them that was your great uncle Ted's thing-a-ma-bob that he made, and it has great sentimental value to you and your family. Continue your monologue with a smattering of how family history is important and over your dead body will you ever deny your ancestors junk. It is family loyalty after all.

5. Your reading material is key to the whole EE experience. Even though Good Housekeeping and People magazine are obviously important, try to expand your reading repertoire. Read books that expand your mind. This is important especially if you know you will be attending any important social engagements. Peppering your conversation with interesting facts or quotes makes you seem extremely intelligent. If by some chance you are actually engaged in a conversation with a person that actually has read the same book, and you start to feel that you can't keep up with the book chat, then excuse yourself with the remark that you feel a migraine coming on and you need to go sit in a dark, quiet place. Then look panicked and run off.

I hope these tips have helped. I know that eclectic elegance is a challenging lifestyle. It is not for the faint of heart (or those with a sound mind). Good luck. I'm off to drink my tea from my cut crystal.


  1. I do drink out of fancy glasses and eat off fancy plates (all from thrifty buys so they can be broken without any big financial loss, which they inevitably are!). That way I can say with hoity toity attitude to the family as I weild the broom and dustpan, "I can't have anything nice with you kids around here!"
    They just reply, "Mom needs to go hunt down more cheap pretty glasswear!"
    Do you think they have caught on to the fact that I actually enjoy the opportunity to hunt and gather pretty things on the cheap????

  2. Sorry.....*glassWARE not wear