Precious In His Sight

I am a first born. A thinker.A doer. I tend to be a perfectionist. I'm extremely observant about most things. I'm detailed and live by my day planner...well the planner along with my daily lists. Sometimes my lists are written out, sometimes I just check things off mentally. Make no mistake though, I always have a list.

Unfortunately, I also have qualities like stubbornness (No way!), pride (I KNEW I was right all along!), and irritability (Why can't you do it the RIGHT way?)  when people don't meet my "standards".  The truth is I'm a lot harder on myself than I am on others....but, still. It's something I'm working on. Believe me when I say, "I have a lot to work on."

So many times in my desire for security in my life and the need to feel in control of what is going on around me...I mess up. Oh, how I mess up. I won't share all the gory details with you except to say that I realize I'm not perfect. Period.

As I get older I find myself, more and more often, considering how God made me. How I interact with others in my world. Sometimes the lessons that I have to learn are annoying to me. (See! It's that irritability coming out in me!) Sometimes the lessons are painful. Sometimes they perplex me and I just don't "get it".

Sigh.

At other times I'm blessed to be witness to some of this life's miracles and am privileged to see the hand of God in my circumstances. I am definitely a work in progress. We all are. We really are. Whether we see it or not.  I'm not being trite when I say that.

I often times find myself in situations, sometimes by my own choices--both good and bad, and sometimes because things just happen. We all live in an imperfect world where things happen. I'll be the first to say, there are times when I am ticked. Perturbed. Annoyed. I wonder why life can't be easier. I am not above having a kicking, screaming, toddler fit...IN MY HEAD over some stuff. People...I said, IN MY HEAD. I am way to mature and dignified to have a fit in front of anyone. Puh-leeze. But then God says to me...I SEE YOU. Uh oh.

God is holy and just. All knowing. Ever present. A wonderful counselor. And just between you and me (and well...God), I think He certainly must have a sense of humor. No one could put up with me, if they didn't. After all scripture does tell us He is long-suffering (which is a fancy word for patient). I'm so grateful for that, let me tell you.

Now, I have to be honest. After the kind of difficult times my family and I have been through, especially over the past couple of years...I was feeling sort of like Job in the Bible. He really isn't my favorite character. He is the guy that loses everything. Yet, he never blames God. I wanted to be that way.....but, instead I griped at God. Sadly, I'm too good at it. WHY ME? WHAT IS GOING ON? I DON'T GET IT. DO I DESERVE ALL THIS?  Then I'd cry and fall limp at His feet. Instead of yelling at me, God gently picked me up.

He does to me, what He did for Job all those many years ago. Job, in his own words said, "But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold."  Gold. Valuable. Beautiful. Precious. BUT only after being tested. In order for gold, as we know it, to be usable it has to go through the fire. Yes, the fire. The junk has to rise to the surface before the Master can really get to the beauty that lies underneath. And for those of us that are His children, when the Master looks at us....He should see a reflection of Himself. That is when we will really shine.

A Life Story

I've mentioned before that I love to write. For me there is something in writing...something soothing about putting words on the page. Putting my thoughts in black and white for others to read. Other times it is scary putting myself into my blog.  I wonder what others will  think of me? Yet, I have discovered for the most part, that my readers can relate to the things that I say. We are not all that different.

I read a "faith filled" blog this morning, written by a new friend named Bonnie. She has an interesting story. The child of a teenage, mail order bride from Hong Kong. Daughter to a busboy in Chinatown. A life full of demands and expectations. She closed the door on that life and opened another.....If you have a minute go check her out  at  http://www.faithbarista.com/ .

After reading her eloquent words, I was left to mull over my own  life story. All the details of each day that make up my life. The little things, as well as the big things, that make me who I am. If you are anything like me you have wondered to yourself, especially when you are smack dab in the middle of something, "What is going on? What is the point of this? Am I supposed to be learning something? What if I don't feel like it? Can I turn back? And then in near panic..... I WANT MY MONEY BACK. LET ME OFF THIS RIDE!"

I have had ups and downs in my life. Great joy and incredible pain...and sometimes those emotions are within the same day! Haven't we all been there? I used to think it would be great to be able to say to God, "Look God. You've got me mixed up with someone else. This wasn't meant for me. I can't handle this situation. This was meant for someone much stronger than I am. Can't You just take this away?" But, over time I've realized that so many of the hard things I've been through, are the very things that caused me to strengthen my faith and grow into the person that God created me to be. Who He knows I am. Life is not easy for most of us. Sure, it would be great to be strikingly beautiful, incredibly smart, have the perfect marriage, obedient children, wonderful relationships with all family members, a custom fit career, an orderly, color coordinated home, and money in the bank. Oh yes, and no problems. Not ever. Doesn't that sound great? Too bad. That's not real life. That is not most people's journey.

One of my former pastors once said, "You can be sure that you are either just getting through a trial, are currently in the middle of a trial, or getting ready to be in a trial."  That is how life is. If one accepts that, life is easier to understand. We should chant the Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared! I wish I could say that I've always been prepared for everything life throws at me, but that would be a lie. Most of the time I'm in the middle of something before I realize it. I'm caught off guard.  AGAIN. I might occasionally throw a "melt down" in there for good measure. (not a good solution I realize, but still....) I don't know about you but many times I just hang on tight and close my eyes and wait for the ride to be over. And hope I don't get sick in the process. Through it all, I've come to realize that many times the "scars" from life's battles are the very things that I treasure because they show that I am a survivor. I went through the battle and came out on the other side. Maybe a bit worse for the wear...but, still standing.

I know that I could not survive the fights of my life if I did not have my faith in the Lord. It is He that gives me the strength for this journey, called life. It is ultimately in Him that I am able to overcome the obstacles and have victory!

Psalm 28:7- The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

Psalm 60:12-With God we will gain the victory, and He will trample down our enemies.

Phil 4:13-I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

1 John 5:4-5 -For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.