Been Thinking About It

Now, before I even get started on today's blog I want to say this.....I enjoy receiving comments from people but today's blog will probably be a sticking point with some.....please do not send me anything hateful for bringing this up.....it's just something I've been thinking about.
Over the past several months there has been a lot of press coverage about the "n -word". Everything from the comedian from Seinfeld (Michael what's his name?)using the word in a comedy routine, Imus getting blasted (not for that particular word, but for saying something about the black ladies on the basketball team), Dog,The Bounty Hunter using the n-word and his subsequent heart felt apology, Jesse Jackson's slip of the tongue on FOX last week concerning Obama, and now the discussion of the n- word on The View.
I am 40 years old. I am white (Yes, European descent) I am married and a mother to 3. My family, though not wealthy, lives a comfortable life.
With all that said, I do not use the n-word. Neither does my family. I have always thought that was a hate word used to put black people "in their place". I thought it was a "historical" word used during slavery. It is a derogatory term used to put another person down.
Growing up, I had a grandfather who used that word on occasion. He grew up in the south in the 20's and 30's. Even though he moved out of the south he still referred to black people as the n-word, I guess because that is what he heard as a child.
Even as a very young child I remember questioning my grandfather. That word was foreign to my own young ears.........I remember asking my mom why my grandfather (my dad's dad) said that and she tried to explain---but told me it was not a good word and I was never to say it.
Now, I grew up in the 70's and 80's. I don't personally recall coming across any black/white issues....race honestly wasn't as issue for me. Now, here I am decades later and race relations are weighing heavy on me.
Honestly, I don't understand. Why can the black lady on The View (forgive me, I don't know her name because I don't watch the show---only saw the segment on the News) say it's okay for a black person to use the n-word? That it is a term of affection (in her family)? Another black commentator saying, "just because white people can't say it, doesn't mean black people can't say it." That is what I don't get.....why would anyone WANT to say it? What is the point? Am I missing something? Is that why so many rappers use the word?
I'm sure there are black people out there that would be offended that I would even bring this up. That I just "don't get it." But aren't there other words to use? Words that are edifying? Words that would build others up? Words that are affectionate without any historical connotations?
Words are powerful. Words have meaning. Words should be used carefully.