[caption id="" align="alignright" width="195" caption="Cover of Forgiveness"]
[/caption]He doesn't deserve my forgiveness! She did a terrible thing to me. Why should I forgive her? He hurt my feelings. She said horrible things.
Most of us in this life have had things happen to us that we feel we really don't deserve. People have treated us poorly. They didn't do what they should. They shouldn't have done what they did.
I've heard myself say the words, "I will never forgive her for that". She hurt me. She doesn't "deserve" my forgiveness. I hate her.
With those words, the bitterness started to grow, like a vine around my heart. It was slowly choking out the ability to forgive. It was always there with me...like poison that I kept drinking--even though it hurt me.
The truth is that the "unforgiven" rarely suffer like the ones holding onto the bitterness. The one who demands payment for whatever sin was committed against them, suffers much more.
I can't tell you the exact moment that, that changed for me. The moment I forgave her for the awful things she said about me. Things that weren't true. My forgiveness wasn't showy. As a matter of fact, she never even asked me for my forgiveness. She never begged me to forgive her. It was never like that. I don't know that she even remembers what she said to begin with.......but, I did. So, I was the one to make the move. To forgive her. In my heart.
You know, when you forgive someone it is does not always mean that you "forget" what happened. Our minds don't work that way. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting, forgiveness is about "letting it go" and moving on. Bitterness only hurts the one harboring it.
You might be thinking to yourself, "Dawn, does not get it. My hurt is too great. The offense too horrible. I cannot forgive. Ever."
And you would be wrong. I do get it. I know. Believe me, I know. And you can forgive. It is a choice. Not easy, but definitely not impossible.
Like I said, forgiveness is not about giving something to the other person. (unless he/she asks) Forgiveness is about YOU being able to rid yourself of bitterness.
Most of you know me (especially those of you that have been reading my blog for a long time). If you were to meet me you'd see that I am a wife and mom. Teenagers can drive me nutty. I look sort of average. I like wearing tennis shoes. I shop at Walmart. I enjoy reading. I have a soft spot for dogs. I love my family. If I don't get enough sleep I'm a bear. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes my sense of humor shines. Above all else I am a Christian.
The reason that I am able to forgive is NOT because I am special...because I am not. I am no different than you. The reason that I am able to forgive is because, you see, I am one of the forgiven. When Christ took my place and hung on that cross, He cried out, "Father, forgive them!" Christ knew that one day I would exist. That my heart would be dark with the feelings that it harbored. That even if I tried to be good, I couldn't do it. I didn't have it in me. And yet, He forgave me. He didn't have to. I surely didn't deserve it. I didn't even appreciate it.
But, I am grateful for a loving, compassionate, just, and holy God. God tells me in Psalms 103:12,
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Because God first forgave me, I am now able to show forgiveness to others.
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So many people who don't forgive don't realize that by not forgiving that they are carrying a burden that they don't need to carry. Very good post on forgiveness!
ReplyDeleteThis is something that I would like to be able to do, but seems very hard. I don't know why I want to hold on to the anger of not forgiving, but I do. I think if the person that had committed the offense against me "asked" for my forgiveness, I would have no problem doing so. It's the fact that they won't ever acknowledge the wrong doing that makes it so difficult for me.
ReplyDeleteI am going to try very hard to get rid of the "unforgiveness in my heart" that is seeming to affect only me and not the other person and just let it go. It's the only way I will ever truly know whether or not what people say about forgiveness is true or not...
Thanks for the inspiration.
rtcrita,
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading my blog. I have had more than one situation similar to yours. People that don't ever acknowledge what they did. I finally understood that I didn't NEED them to understand, in order to forgive them.
Wishing you the best...
I enjoyed this post and wanted to respond to the comment of rtcrita. I agree it is hard to forgive someone who is not repentent and may still be doing to you whatever he/she had been doing. It helps to realize we are all on our own individual paths which may cross unpleasantly at times. If you stay in that same spot on the road, in that unforgiving mode concerning that person, you are hampering yourself. Release that person and move on. Sometimes that may mean physically distancing yourself from that person; sometimes that may not be possible. But let God vindicate you and bring the correct resolution to the problem. You just keep it moving!
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